It's almost time for our spring "election!"

We have been busily reviewing applications for membership in the Board of Dictators since last fall, and we have finally finished the initial reviews. There are currently two applications in line to be considered in our spring "election" this weekend, but we are giving all our supporters one last chance to submit your applications. Please be sure to provide all of the required information as our spam filter will reject any applications that do not supply the needed information. We also have other filters set up including our denigration filter which detects insincere applicants, so be careful what you submit.

Although our legal team has advised us not to reveal the identities of the two currently viable candidates yet, we have decided we will share a little bit from their applications. We will refer to them by the names "Thing 1" and "Thing 2" but you should know that those are not their real names. I mean, with a name like "Thing 1" you wouldn't even get past our plausibility filter. Anyway, here goes:

The greatest strengths on the application of "Thing 1" are her culinary training (she learned from one of the world's greatest chefs) and her Accomplishments/Honors. She single-handedly defeated a grass roots movement bent on distributing brads to every child in her home town, and she earned the Congressional Medal of Honor at the age of 17. In response to what is wrong with the status quo she wrote:

"Regardless of the history, the fact that we call the current state of things the status quo is a good portion of what is wrong with the status quo. By calling it the status quo we legitimize the evils in our current society by telling people that this is the way things are. Instead of bowing to the status quo we should be actively trying to rid the world of evil."

We could talk about others of her strengths, but not without revealing her identity, so we'll leave it at this for now.

"Thing 2" is a more traditional conservative candidate for the Board of Dictators. Some of his strengths include his ideas for protecting children from the evils of brads. I would say more, but if I attribute his idea to him in this public blog and we don't give him membership on the Board of Dictators I don't want to have to give him credit for the idea. He has had a difficult past, as evidenced by his response to Topic C:
"I watched in horror as my friends slowly started making crafts with their brads and later even punching holes in their assignments without so much as a thought of the consequences."
He is also optimistic about the fight with the Parent Corporation, as evidenced by this sentence:
"it is not unreasonable to imagine the day when brads and hole punches, and all the other designs of the Parent Corporation will no longer plague the nation or the world"

We wish we could give you more information about these two candidates. They are both excellent world citizens. It is a bit late, but if you want to be considered in this "election" please submit your application no later than 6:00 am UTC Sunday morning. We have put extra filters in place, so only the very best of applications will arrive in our inbox in time for the "election." Other applications will be relegated to our queue for the next election cycle.

At the GNU Public Dictatorship we are nothing if not grateful for your support, and we hope you all share our excitement at the possibility of a new member of the Board of Dictators.