Friday, January 16, 2015

Guest Writer: Eero Smith

At the GNU Public Dictatorship they are nothing if not excited to see what I will post, which is why they have given me the opportunity to write to this forum.  Much has been going on in the world since the GPD's last posts, and I am going to try to help you, their faithful supporters, to understand how it will impact you.

At the GPD they are nothing if not opposed to senseless violence, or senseless anything, for that matter, which is why they join with the people of France in sympathy for their losses in the recent attacks on the satirical magazine that offended some people.  At the GPD they are nothing if not careful to not offend people, or at least to not offend supporters.  They don't have any problem offending their enemies, which is how it should be.

At the GPD they are also nothing if not dedicated to finding out what the full story with "Natasha" is, which is why they have been studying transcripts of her phone calls and other communications for the last year.  Some of their less-loyal supporters may be disturbed to know that they have transcripts of phone calls, but they assure me that nobody who is loyal to the GPD has anything to worry about.  The transcripts are so numerous that the effort required to analyze them is prohibitive unless there is some hint of disloyalty or potential addiction to brads.  Over the last few days they have discovered that "Natasha" is bored because she feels unfulfilled in her current life, and that she wants more.  She asked a friend, who we shall not name, if there were any positions open in the fledgling industry of combination brad/hole punches.  The market is only now emerging, as a response to posts like this one, which attempt to show how fun brads and hole punches can be.  "Natasha" was told that she could volunteer, but the money isn't there yet, thankfully.  Anyway, it is clear from the transcripts that "Natasha" isn't trying to rejoin the GPD for ideological reasons as she would clearly not be trying to find a job in such an offensive field if she was.  It is clear at this point that "Natasha" is simply looking for social fulfillment wherever she can get it.

At the GPD they are nothing if not pleased that the only remaining mystery surrounding this whole affair is the source of the churro note!

Friday, January 9, 2015

Jill Quispe Gonzalez Noot

At the GNU Public Dictatorship we are nothing if not dedicated to bringing you the best information possible, which is why we regret that it has been so long since we have posted in this forum.  We have had several posts ready to go, but we were going to give our second finalist, Jill Quispe Gonzalez Noot, an opportunity to be a guest writer.  She has written several drafts and had them approved by our panel of experts, but in each case she has deleted the post and started over.  For the first few days we figured this was an expression of her perfectionism, but now after weeks of stalling we understand that Jill doesn't have what it takes to post to this forum.  She second-guesses what she writes and doesn't have the confidence to put it out there anyway.  Unfortunately, this means that Ms. Quispe Gonzalez Noot has not passed the guest writer trial and will no longer be considered for membership in the Board of Dictators.  Her resume will be passed on to our other departments, as her passion and skills may serve her well somewhere else, but you won't be seeing a guest post from her here, and she will definitely not be "elected" into the Board of Dictators.