The Original Chemical Weapon

At the GNU Public Dictatorship we are nothing if not opposed to the use of chemical weapons, which is why it saddens us that so many people and animals in Syria have been recently targeted using nerve agents.  We would like to condemn the individual or individuals responsible for this unconscionable act, and we are vowing that if we ever get the chance we will make him or her or them rue the choice.  Having said that, however, the focus on the recent chemical weapon attack in Syria is drawing a lot of attention.  While it is a heinous act, we think world citizens should be less inclined to follow the crowd to the crisis of the hour and more inclined to worry about the persistent threats we face.  Our supporters know that the apparently-innocuous brad is a tool of evil, and that it is often used to deliver dangerous drugs (also known as chemicals) to unwitting children.  It is in its symbolism it is offensive and degrading, and its sales support pernicious and vindictive individuals in their quest to destroy society as we know it and to prevent us from reaching the New Future.  Some individuals who do not support the GPD also recognize the evil that brads represent, including the group we sometimes refer to as the Allies.  They have occasionally joined us to thwart the dastardly plans the New Company has devised, and we are grateful for their help.  Even so, however, recent surveys suggest that nearly half of the world's population (not counting single-celled organisms) believes that brads do not pose a threat to them or to their children.  Another 15% seem to have no opinion on the matter.  It is incumbent upon us as supporters of the GPD and the New Future to spread the word about brads so that we can eradicate them forever and spare our children the monstrosities that we have had to endure.  Don't let the fact that the recent Syrian chemical attack is so high-profile discourage you from fighting against the original chemical weapon: the brad!

Another victory

At the GNU Public Dictatorship we are nothing if not dedicated to overcoming our enemies, which is why we were very pleased to note that Consumer Reports finally studied our government against other forms of government.  They gave us five stars in each of efficiency, checks and balances, resistance to special interests, requirements of citizens, and potential for good.  No other form of government was so highly rated, and our ratings in these areas exceed "Constitutional Monarchy," "Parliamentary," and "Democracy" combined.  We received four or four and a half stars in all other rated categories including propaganda and law enforcement.  While we know that Consumer Reports isn't choosing our next form of government, we find it comforting that they recognize our greatness!

Peace and Prosperity

At the GNU Public Dictatorship we are nothing if not dedicated to Peace and Prosperity and the New Future, which is why we have worked so hard over the last several years to disrupt the status quo.  Some of our supporters have begun suggesting that we should not have let Syria get out of hand, and that letting the first democratically-elected president of Egypt be ousted in a coup might have been letting things go too far, but we would like to point out that the status quo has neither Peace nor Prosperity, and that disruptive change is necessary to transform the world.  Our supporters should start complaining once we are done with our plans if we still have neither of them, but for now, we ask our supporters and others to be patient and let the Peace and Prosperity come.

"Privacy"

At the GNU Public Dictatorship we are nothing if not concerned with the well-being of all world citizens, which is why we strive so much against the evils found in the world.  We exert a lot of effort trying to crush organized evil in the form of Brad Guys or the New Company, but even if we were to completely vanquish organized evil we would still have to be vigilant as dispersed evil can be just as damaging as organized evil.

You may ask what this "dispersed evil" is, and we would be quick to answer that it is the small things world citizens do daily that do not contribute to a healthy and happy society founded on the principles of equality and love for each other and a hatred of brads and other evil office products.  In order to combat this diffuse threat, the GPD has recently increased its surveillance program, which has drawn criticism from human rights* advocates and from people who like to dabble in dispersed evil.  Those who submitted form 532ERTU012-K have been spared some of the more embarrassing surveillance, but those who didn't keep complaining that we are watching them write memos, scrapbook, and mail letters, and that we are not giving them the privacy they deserve.

The GPD values privacy, but as an open government, we understand and accept that privacy in the New Future is nearly impossible.  In order to guarantee that brads and evil office products are banished forever and that society is optimally organized we need to give up our privacy.  We're not suggesting that world citizens will never have a moment alone, just that they should not expect to be alone in any situation.  If we let people scrapbook on their own, how can we be sure that brads aren't being utilized?  If we don't check up on people's correspondence, how can we be sure that only approved industrial hole punches are being used and that people aren't starting to use hand-held hole punches?  It should be clear to anyone who loves the New Future that we cannot get there without sacrificing our privacy.  At the GPD, however, we know that some of our supporters (primarily humans) would not like to be under surveillance while they are bathing or performing bodily functions, which is why we allowed them to request an exception using the form mentioned above.  With minimal security and inspections you will be granted complete solitude inside the approved facility to do what you need to do.  Due to the unusually high number of complaints from those who haven't yet submitted the form, we are granting them a second chance.  Please submit the form by Friday to your local GPD county office.

*The GPD is amused by the phrase "human rights" as it is by its very nature discriminating against non-human citizens of the world and belittles their rights and needs

Help Needed for our Bat Supporters

At the GNU Public Dictatorship we are nothing if not reticent to go door-to-door asking for help, which is why we have held off so long in the request we are about to make.  A significant number of our supporters in recent years have been developing White Nose Syndrome (WNS) and most of them have been dying because we don't have enough information about WNS or how to treat or prevent it.  The reason we have decided to ask for your help individually is that WNS is making its way West across North America, and more and more of our bat supporters are falling victim to its symptoms.  What we are asking for is support from you, our Responsible World Citizens, in the following ways:

• Moral: We are asking each of you to reach out to your bat friends and have a talk with them about WNS.  Let them know that, although they may develop WNS, they will always be your friend and that you won't abandon them just because they are sick.
• Scientific: We are hoping that many experts in fungal diseases in flying mammals will step forward and volunteer at least a portion of their time to the cause.  Your friends' lives may hang in the balance.
• Financial: While bats need very little in the way of finances, many people who deal with bats require access to money in order to protect the bats from WNS and other threats.

Please contact your local GPD county offices at your convenience to volunteer your time.  And remember, our surveillance is extending every day, so even if we wouldn't have known yesterday that you didn't volunteer your time, we may know today!  It is in your best interest to volunteer before we find out you didn't.