It is apparent that many of you have been eagerly awaiting my story and information on just what is so treacherous about stickers. I believe that by quickly sharing the story of how I discovered the evil wiles of certain stickers I can help people understand and know how to protect themselves.
A few months back, while I was diligently planning an informative meeting on the evils of brads for the children of my local elementary school, I decided to take a small break to watch a movie. A friend of mine put the DVD in and we watched it. When I started to take the DVD out of the player, a sticker that was placed inside the player tried to attack me, but was foiled by the positioning of the DVD. All it was able to do was severely scar the disc. I then proceeded to cremate the remains of the sticker to ensure that it's devilish nature would be 'put out'. It was clear that the Parent Corporation had discovered me and my purposes and were attempting to end my life through the clever use of the 'innocent' sticker. Since then I have been forced to relocate myself to avoid any unwanted encounters with their operatives.
I believe that the Parent Corporation has arranged to place many of these wily stickers in public places, intending to prey on the unlearned for their evil purposes. That is why I do pledge myself to discovering their secrets so we can overcome this evil together. For now, I would advise that everyone be careful when coming near any sticker of which they do not know the origin. It may be for everyone's safety.
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For the curious among our supporters, Daniel is not currently having to relocate as he is now enjoying the protection of our operatives. It was his ground-breaking work uncovering some of the mechanisms of the evil stickers that put him over the top in our elections. We look forward to the full results of his research, but in the meantime we suggest you follow his advice and be wary of stickers from unknown sources!
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