Essay Responses

We have been pleasantly surprised by the quality of the responses to the essay questions on the application for membership. We've quoted two passages from the responses to each topic below. We wanted to give credit where credit is due, but our lawyers tell us it would expose us to liability if we disclose the authorship of the quotes before we make our decisions on the applications. Apparently somebody could sue us for something-or-other. We weren't really listening to them very closely. We still want to give credit, so we'll give first names only and hope our lawyers don't read this post.

From Essay Topic A: Explain what is wrong with the status quo

"Perhaps the primary thing wrong with the status quo is that many people refuse to believe that there is something wrong with it. We can't improve our situation if we don't admit to ourselves that it needs to be improved. We also need more Pokémon movies."
--Michelle

"It's not about making money, it's about taking money, destroying the status quo. Because the status is not quo. The world is a mess, and I just need to rule it."
-- Billy

From Essay Topic B: Democracy is often touted as the surest way to a society that is best for all concerned parties, but it is clear that democracies often discriminate against minority groups, and there are inefficiencies introduced by the endless cycle of debate and the system of checks and balances. Dictatorships are clearly more efficient, and when run properly can benefit society more than a democracy can. Please choose one side in this debate and argue your case.

"One common criticism of Dictatorships is that they are less-than-friendly to minority groups. This criticism, however, should also be brought against deomcracies, as any group that does not have enough representation to gain a majority in some geographic division is denied representation. Dictatorships, in this case, are no worse than the supposed best alternative."
--Catherine

"When faced with urgent threats democracies can sometimes act decisively, but there is almost always a backlash against the executive branch for seizing 'too much power.' Dictatorships never have to deal with this backlash."
--Jerry

From Essay Topic C: Make a case for your membership in the GNU Public Dictatorship’s Board of Dictators. Explain why you are essential to our success.

"The Board of Dictators has operated for too long without a nose-flautist. Just think of the publicity and the interest that it would generate to be able to offer GNU Public Nose Flute Lessons. As an added benefit, I'm also an expert at T&C Surf Designs: Wood and Water Rage."
--David

"I have studied under the best guerilla vegetable artist in Illinois, and I intend to use my acquired knowledge to benefit the entire world. I am well-versed in classical and Norse mythology. I have three post-graduate degrees in the social sciences and can honestly say that there really is only ONE point of view. We must all unite in order for the few to govern us."
--Gwen

From Essay Topic D: Brads are known to be very sinister. Please explain how you have defended the world against this threat and how you would use your office (should you be chosen) to keep everyone safe from brads.

"As long as the world continues its pernicious slide toward full acceptance of these metallic demons our children will never be safe. The first thing I would do as a member of the Board would be to stage an 'accident' involving brads. The softer methods of informing the public aren't moving quickly enough, but if the public has to deal with a brad crisis then perhaps we will get through to them."
--Linda

"The first thing to be done about brads is to make them less available. We must work with the major purchasers of brads, the US public school system, and first convince them to stop buying brads. Without their subsidy, the brad industry will likely collapse on itself within weeks."
--Geoffrey

From Essay Topic E: Who is the coolest member of the Board of Dictators and why is he/she the coolest?

"Juliana is probably the coolest member of the Board of Dictators, although the difference in coolness among the three members of the Board is rather slight. The deciding factor for me was that I was able to use some of my connections and to get the elementary school records of all three members of the Board. It is true what they say about your permanent record, by the way. It is clear that from an early age Juliana was more popular than her counterparts, which makes her cooler than them."
--Harvey

"Craig is clearly the coolest as the average temperature in his hometown is the lowest of the three."
-Danielle