Country Eaters

It's disappointing that Hebrew daily Haaretz is backpedaling so much over the story they recently published. What's more disappointing is that they have opted to capitulate to the Ukranian resistance movement that doesn't want the world to know about their country-eating technology just yet. What's even more disappointing is that the source that leaked the information to Haaretz is not willing to stand by his earlier statements.

If you're confused right now, that's okay. I'll try to explain the whole situation for you. One of the things Juliana did not know for sure yet is that "Viktor" and the Ukranian resistance movement had been using a portion of our funds to steal research on how a country could eat another country. We have only recently firmly established this fact, but we needed to let the world know about the threat of country-eating without delay. Fearing that verifying the financial records could take several days, we leaked information about the country-eating technology to the Foreign Minister of France, Bernard Kouchner. Mr Kouchner at first seemed willing to leak this information to the world on our behalf, and had himself quoted in Haaretz as saying that Israel would eat Iran before Iran acquired nuclear weapons.

We know now that we should have never trusted Mr. Kouchner, but should have waited for a day and published the information to the world ourselves. We wanted to get the information out there before we had finished our own investigations, but we see now that our plan has backfired and that convincing the world of the dangers of country-eating technology will now be more difficult. Apparently the Ukranian resistance movement saw the quote and launched a campaign to discredit it as a misquote. They also put some pressure directly on Mr. Kouchner and Haaretz. They were able to persuade Haaretz to "correct" the quote on their website and were able to convince Mr. Kouchner to go along with it. What is most ludicrous, though, is that Israel "hitting" Iran is a much more awkard phrase than the more conventional Israel "attacking" Iran. How dumb do they think we all are?

I fear I am ranting a bit too much, but it makes me angry when our fellow world leaders don't do their part. I don't think Mr. Kouchner (or "Viktor", for that matter) will be in serious consideration for joining the Board of Dictators this year.