Betrayed!

The GNU Public Dictatorship is in shock and mourning today as we discovered the treacherous betrayal of one of our top agents. "Viktor" was one of our most charming and loyal friends as he worked tirelessly over the years to stabilize the situation for us in Ukraine. (We felt it was our duty to try to lend our peace-loving resources to a country which has seen so much turbulence and pain during recent years.)

"Viktor" worked with top officials to try to encourage diplomatic relations and work toward economic stability in Ukraine. He single-handedly, but discreetly, brought about the introduction of the hryvnia and was also heavily involved in the much-lauded first Ukrainian Sea Launch project.

To our chagrin, disappointment and embarrassment, "Viktor" has been secretly employed by a Ukrainian resistance movement for months now. As his betrayal was discovered, Ukrainian President Viktor Yushchenko immediately dissolved parliament and called for an early election to try to contain the rebellion. 

The outcome of this decision is yet to be seen, but we are very disappointed in the part "Viktor" played. Rest assured that other agents are working behind the scenes to try to stabilize the situation in the best way possible. We're nothing if not dedicated to handling emergencies with elegance and grace.