A Summary of What We Know Right Now

Many of our supporters have submitted form UU77712-J (Request for Summary of GPD Knowledge) regarding several topics lately.  At the GNU Public Dictatorship we are nothing if not concerned that we seem to be falling short in providing the information you have come to expect from us, so we will take a post to answer publicly many of the forms we have received.  (We're sorry, Edward F. of Tallahassee, Florida...we are rejecting your request for a summary of what we know about Grebans.  You'll have to rely on our already published statements as we deem the risk to society of exposure of known successful and unsuccessful techniques too great).

About the Allies

114,103 of the forms we received asked for more information about the Allies.  Apparently we have been vague about several aspects of our relationship to them.

Q.  Didn't the allies join us in February of 2010?
A.  While it is true that many of the Allies joined our ranks in 2010 (including Wolfgang Gottlieb, father of our top operative "Viktor") it is not true that the Allies were absorbed by the GPD.  They continued to meet independently of the GPD and have at various times been less communicative.
Q.  Why don't we just annihilate them if they are at cross purposes with us?
A.  At the GNU Public Dictatorship we are nothing if not dedicated to our peaceful ruling of the New Future, which is why we cannot afford to alienate any group that is not clearly evil.  The Allies have disagreed with us on several occasions, but we are united against the New Company and the Parent Corporation.
Q.  What are the Allies up to?
A.  According to our recent meetings they have many secret missions under development.  They disclosed to us some of their current goals and were able to persuade us that, while their recent actions were deplorable, they are not incompatible with our long term goals.
Q.  What are the secret missions they have disclosed to you?
A.  We cannot at this time discuss this matter, as the missions will affect the security of world citizens living in the affected area or areas.
Q.  Will the GPD become part of the Allies, or vice versa, or will they continue this uneasy partnership?
A.  The answer to this question is unknown at this point.  Oh, wait... we do know that we won't become part of the Allies, but we are unsure about the other options.

About the New Company

87,221 of the forms asked for information about "Gertrude" and the New Company.

Q.  Is "Gertrude" a phantom or a real leader of the New Company?
A.  Yes and yes.  The "Gertrude" we examined earlier and determined to be a real woman was merely a figurehead that was used and discarded when she no longer proved useful.  The real "Gertrude" is much more mysterious and may not be a woman at all.
Q.  Is the New Company a formidable threat?
A.  Yes.  They possess many of the attributes that created the Company's success so many years ago, and they also benefit from a knowledge of how we defeated their predecessors.  They are still bent on world domination and on the widespread use of brads, hole punches, and evil stickers.
Q.  Does the New Company still report to the Parent Corporation?
A.  Our operatives would say no, but we hesitate to answer so definitively.  There still appear to be ties, but in recent months no reporting structure has been uncovered.
Q.  Is the New Company bent on destroying the Parent Corporation?
A.  Possibly.  There is some animosity there, but there are also some ties.  We won't know for sure until they make their strategy more clear.

About the Lost Operatives

23,917 of the forms asked about the five operatives that have gone missing.

Q.  Were they working on anything terribly important?
A.  Yes, all of our operatives are.
Q.  What about the operatives tasked with finding ways to get high scores on popular online games?
A.  You're saying that isn't important?
Q.  Have you found them or traces of them?
A.  Not yet, which is why we are still a bit mad at the Allies for causing us to lose them.
Q.  Who are they?
A.  Loyal operatives of the GPD.  Their names will not be released, but know that "Viktor" is not one of them.

About the Parent Corporation/Unholy Brotherhood of the Hole Punch

27,333 of the forms asked about the Parent Corporation and the UBHP.

Q.  Is the Parent Corporation still a threat?
A.  Under its current leadership we believe it will continue to be more and more irrelevant.  "Jack" has taken the merged Corporation in such a bizarre self-serving direction that we don't believe it will survive beyond the end of this year, but perhaps with enough restructuring it could be a viable company soon.
Q.  Is "Edgar" still alive?
A.  We think so, although we haven't heard from him for some time now.  We believe he is either being manipulated by "Jack" or he is complicit in "Jack's" strange goals.  If he is dead then there is somebody impersonating him in the Parent Corporation, as recent photographs do surface from time to time.  We don't know of anyone other than Count Quisling who could pull that off, but we know that he would have to cut his pinkies off in order to do so effectively, and the last time we saw Count Quisling (just over a week ago) he still had both pinkies.  Unless they were prosthetic, which we didn't verify.
Q.  What does "Jack" want to accomplish?
A.  We have no idea.  He seems to be stuck in a ridiculous "Craftie" fantasy with no apparent reason.

We hope this has cleared up some confusion about what we are up to, and that you can now stop flooding our inboxes with these forms!