Complaints

Many of our supporters have asked whether we reached our goal of 3 million complaints for the Allies by the afternoon of July 4.  The short answer is yes.  The longer answer is that we had received all of the complaints by the afternoon of July 4, but because of some logistical failings and the fact that most of our United States volunteers were participating in festivities on the 4th of July we did not compile the list until Thursday at about noon.  We delivered the 3.4 million complaints we received to the Allies later that day, and, while they expressed sympathy with the pain our supporters have felt, they did not apologize or tell us they had made a mistake in their plans.  At the GNU Public Dictatorship we are nothing if not forgiving, but it does irk us that our (purported) Allies do not appear to regret nearly dividing us in two.  While reproducing all 3.4 million complaints here would be overkill, below are a few of the complaints received through our Austin, Texas GPD County:

• "I have been forced to submit to a DNA test to prove I do not leave stools around the neighborhood. How humiliating."  (Submitted by Rex)
• "I believe My text editor has been hacked" (Submitted by Jane Neuman)
• "Jimmy (the neighborhood squirrel) is far too popular" (Submitted by Ferdinand the Crow)
• "Antibacterial soap is used far too much" (Submitted by representatives of the Lactobacillus bifidus community in Austin, Texas)
• "People keep calling me 'Bessie'--it's offensive" (Submitted by Mary the cow, who believes the Allies have turned people against cows)

We would like to thank all those who submitted complaints and we assure you that full relations with the Allies will not resume until we have satisfied ourselves that all of your complaints have been addressed!