Piracy of the Most Horrendous Variety

After serious research and investigation, I am ready to divulge information pertaining to a dastardly plot. As well as vigorous online research, I have done on scene investigations at a myriad of hospitals and clinics. My thorough investigations have revealed a devious and nefarious plot the likes of which would chill the heart of the most hardened individual. The masterminds behind this terrible plot have yet to be officially identified, but we have reason to suspect that it is being spearheaded by the Parent Corporation.

Although the details of this plot are somewhat horrific, I believe that it will benefit even the faint of heart to listen. One day while sitting in a hospital waiting room I overheard a strange conversation. This conversation would not have been suspicious except that I had heard the exact same conversation four times since entering the waiting room. I knew something must be up. After hearing this conversation so many times, I could repeat the whole thing by heart. I decided it was time to talk to the receptionist and find out where these people were going. (because they were definitely getting to a doctor faster than I was!) I have omitted some of the more graphic details but our conversation went something like this:

Receptionist: May I help you?
Me: Yes, I need to see Dr. _______
Receptionist: Oh, what is your appointment for today?
Me: I'm here to find out about the status of our pregnancy test.
Receptionist: Oh, has it been two weeks already?
Me: It flew by.
Receptionist: Here let me take you back and the Doctor will see you momentarily.

I won't attempt to explain fully what took place, but I will say there was no doctor. As the receptionist closed the door, the bed folded into the floor revealing a staircase below. I followed the stairs into another sort of office. I could immediately sense that it was a criminal operation. The man at the receiving desk handed me a brochure. I could not believe my eyes; they were selling pirated babies! How do you pirate a baby you may ask -- you get a hold of DNA and make an illicit copy of course. It appears that there is a vast underground network which steals the DNA of newborn children. What better place to get this DNA than to place operatives posing as nurses in the delivery room? They steal the DNA and no one even realizes that it is happening.

It is imperative that I caution you all to be extremely careful so that you will not be a victim of this baby piracy. Here at the GNU Public Dictatorship the only kind of piracy we endorse is the old-time piracy that helps to prevent global warming. (Thanks Jack. We owe you one. You too Will.) Any individual found participating in baby piracy will be mocked and be bruised in the sternum as punishment.