"Edgar"

At the GNU Public Dictatorship we are nothing if not committed to the end of the Reign of Evil of the Unholy Brotherhood of the Hole Punch, which is why we continue to work hard for you. It doesn't matter to us that we receive very little glory for our accomplishments; we're just happy to be of service to the world. Recently our star operative "Viktor" has dug up some new information about the leadership of this vile organization, the man who goes by "Edgar." Under normal circumstances we keep the information we discover about our enemies a secret, so that they don't know how much we know about them. They, in turn, try to keep what they know about us a secret, but since we are, after all, an open government there is very little that they shouldn't know about us unless they are just being ignorant. Either way, we play this "I don't know what you're up to" game so that the other side will get cocky and make a mistake. But all of this is beside the point as we have decided to make this information public.

As it turns out the "Edgar" we know is not the real leader of the Unholy Brotherhood of the Hole Punch, but a man employed by them to be a figurehead. He gives their speeches and attends all of their events, but he is not a key policy maker. Our intelligence (which we assure you is reliable) tells us that the real leader of the UBHP (at least the one who makes the real decisions) was in a freak workplace accident many years ago and the perforation equipment severed both his pinkies. For fear of anti-pinkilessness he has remained hidden for many years and employed an actor to be his public face. We would like to extend our condolences to the real leader of the UBHP (who also goes by "Edgar") and invite him to stop trying to corrupt our children with evil office products. If he does so, we will, without preconditions, negotiate with him about his role in the new future.