Beware the Brad Guys!

Just because the Company has collapsed and the Parent Corporation has stopped pushing brads as diligently as they had been doesn't mean we don't have to be vigilant. Last week in Switzerland a group of travelers was stopped by the misuse of brads, but we should talk about the events leading up to this unfortunate incident.

It all started several weeks ago when Johann (not his real name) made a new friend while staying at a small hostel in Geneva. They got on quite well and after a few nights of drinking at the local watering hole Johann was invited by Georg (again, not his real name) to come to his club the next evening. Johann told us that he started feeling uncomfortable when he entered the club adorned with ancient office products, but he dismissed his fear as irrational. Several days later he was invited to scrapbook with the club. He was hesitant, but decided he would go. He didn't see a single brad or hole punch, and so he consented to come again in a few days. Over the course of a few weeks they introduced brads so slowly that he barely even noticed they were there, and by the end of his stint there he had actually used brads himself, though he was ashamed when he admitted this to us. At some point he realized that his life was spiraling out of control and that he had to get out of there, so he got into his car and started to drive to Bonn. His course took him past Georg's place, so Johann stopped in to say goodbye. It was at this time that the nefarious Brad Guys took the opportunity to replace his spare lug nuts with oversize brads.

Johann and his friends were driving on the motorway when they decided to take his winter tires off and put his summer tires on, and they did so. It is a sign of how far gone Johann was that he didn't notice that the lug nuts were really brads, and it was a stroke of luck that when the tires fell off his vehicle that nobody was injured.

Johann was picked up by the local police and asked to be taken to the local GPD office. There he talked to Count Wilhelm and told his sad tale. Johann is in a rehabilitation center now trying to overcome his addiction to brads, but the outlook is hopeful. At the GNU Public Dictatorship we are nothing if not dedicated to keeping you safe, and we urge you to be always on the lookout!