What we know about airplane sandwich needles

At the GNU Public Dictatorship we are nothing if not eager to keep you all calm, which is why when we saw the panic created by the multiple airplane sandwich-needle incidents we decided we had better step in and tell you what you should and shouldn't worry about.

Q.  Who is behind these attacks?
A.  Unfortunately we cannot state definitively who is behind these attacks, but we can state that they are not being perpetrated by any of the Unholy Brotherhood of the Hole Punch, the Reformed Brotherhood of the Hole Punch, the Parent Corporation, or the New Company.  All of these organizations have decried these acts as heinous and unfortunate.  Our operatives are investigating known brad guy cells and other groups of informal hole punch enthusiasts to see whether they may be involved in these attacks, but current investigations indicate that these attacks are not likely related to any of our known enemies.  We believe that they are probably being organized and carried out by deranged individuals who should be under psychiatric care.
Q.  Should I check my own sandwiches for needles before I eat them?
A.  In general, yes.
Q.  What if I made the sandwich myself and nobody else has handled it, do I need to check before I eat it?
A.  While it wouldn't hurt, you would likely be wasting your time.  Unless, of course, you are a deranged individual who should be under psychiatric care, in which case you should definitely check before you eat.  If you were sewing at or around the time you made the sandwich, you may also want to check before consuming it.
Q.  What if I bought the sandwich at a restaurant?
A.  If you watched the sandwich being made and trust that the sandwich artist is not deranged, you probably do not need to check your sandwich.  If you saw the sandwich artist sewing or have other reasons to suspect he or she may have needles in his or her possession, you may want to check.
Q.  What about peanut butter?
A.  The needles have all been found in meat sandwiches so far, so the chances are lower that a peanut butter sandwich would have a needle, but you should use the guidelines above to determine whether to check thoroughly.
Q.  What about tuna salad?  Checking it could get messy.
A.  If there are other risk factors involved with a tuna salad sandwich, the GPD recommends that you either refrain from eating it or proceed with extreme caution.
Q.  Are there ways to eat sandwiches without risking an incident?
A.  In general, the smaller the bites you take the less risk from a needle.  You must be careful, however, since smaller bites means it will take longer to consume the sandwich.  Please plan accordingly.
Q.  Should I panic?
A.  No.  Not yet, anyway.

We hope this information will help you feel more secure about your sandwich choices and clear up the confusion which has been causing widespread panic recently.