The same review, however, after being sent to our cryptographers, revealed that "Natasha" and "Edgar" had some coded means of communication that allowed them to discuss topics inside the reality simulator without being observed. According to our cryptographers' post-incident analysis, this clever steganography allowed them to exchange no fewer than 317 messages. They aren't certain they have detected all the methods they used to exchange messages, and they haven't been able to decipher all 317 messages, but they have been able to discover the meaning of a few of the messages. This also adds weight to our assumption that "Edgar" and "Natasha" had been planning the TORSO-break for quite some time.
One message, sent by "Natasha" by tapping her fingers in an apparently random pattern on the table while discussing the sunset with "Edgar" on the first evening after she entered the simulator communicated the following message:
"Cornelius, dear, did you know we are in a reality simulator?""Edgar's" response has not yet been deciphered, but "Natasha's" next message (delivered in the same tapping code) reads:
"Well, we are. The Board of Dictators sent me here to clean me up. They thought you might have a good influence on me""Edgar" then sent a message using a sipping code that conveyed this message:
"I think they were right. We have had some good times, haven't we? Now that you're getting clean again I think we'll have a blast.""Natasha" then switched to another code involving breathing rhythms that we haven't deciphered yet. "Edgar" responded in his code:
"If we can get out of this simulator then we can run off together. I think the two of us would have a great time taking over the world as long as we steer clear of evil office products.""Natasha" indicated using an eyebrow code that this was a good idea, and then they retired for the evening.
This exchange tells us many things:
- "Natasha" and "Edgar" had already determined a set of codes they could use, implying that their relationship was more complex than we had thought.
- "Natasha" had feelings for "Edgar," regardless of what our psychiatrists said. Due to their consistent failings in this matter we're thinking we're going to replace our psychiatrists. If you or anyone you know is interested in being our psychiatrist, please fill out the application FFF54T-PSYCH-92 and submit it to your local GPD County Office.
- "Edgar" apparently did not know that he was in a simulator until "Natasha" entered it with him. We think she may have manipulated circumstances to get put in the simulator with him, which would exonerate our psychiatrists to some degree, but we're still disappointed they didn't see through it.
- They intended to exit the simulator and run off together to try to rule the world.
- They intend to eschew evil office products. This is important, as it confirms that both were at one point addicted to them and felt that they had lost control. At least that part of "Natasha" wasn't a ruse. It also indicates that "Edgar" will not be rejoining the Parent Corporation, but will likely create some sort of startup to challenge them and us.
At the GNU Public Dictatorship we are nothing if not committed to bringing in the New Future, which is why it troubles us that we have another rival and that one of our operatives has turned against us, apparently for love. We are deeply saddened by this incident, and will continue to pursue the happy couple to try to persuade them to give up their plans. We will also continue to analyze the coded messages they were exchanging to see if we find anything new. We'll keep you posted!
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