The New "Gertrude"

The New Company has announced today that it has selected a new "Gertrude" to run their day-to-day operations and that the current "Gertrude" will be rented to people for outsourced FAQs and other such menial tasks.  They never publish the names of their new "Gertrudes," but, according to all of the information at our disposal, we believe that "she" is none other than Jason Iniguez, the former CTO of the New Company who disappeared mysteriously at the same time that Carl, the former "Gertrude," stepped down.  Jason has been closely involved in many of the New Company's most nefarious plots, and, although he has recently been rather quiet, our operatives say that evidence suggests that he has been working on many plans with potentially disastrous consequences, some of which have been in the news recently.  We'll keep you posted on new developments, but we would like to remind you that the New Company is dangerous regardless of who is running it, and that no matter how they try to package them evil office products such as brads, hole punches, and evil stickers are still evil and will, eventually, ruin the lives of all who embrace them.