The state of the New Company

Many of our readers have been asking what is the current state of the New Company, its leadership, and its plans for world domination.  At the GNU Public Dictatorship we are nothing if not pleased to give an update, even if some of it has been publicly available at our local GPD offices for several weeks.  The New Company has been very secretive about its goals, but we do know quite a bit about them, thanks to operatives such as "Enrico" who have risked their lives to stop their nefarious purposes.  The most salient things we know about the New Company are the following:

Leadership of the New Company

• "Gertrude" is a title, much like the Dread Pirate Roberts, that is used to create some sort of consistency when the real leaders of the New Company retire or meet an untimely demise because they were using themselves as guinea pigs in dangerous experiments.
• There have been at least four leaders of the New Company since they split from the Parent Corporation:
• Rex Farnsworth.  As near as we can tell, he was the initial CEO of the New Company and was killed when his brad-powered rocket car exploded when the brakes were applied.
• Fernando Escobal.  He took over from Rex and retired soon after meeting his revenue goals and being awarded the lifetime achievement award by the American Academy of Office Products.  He now lives in a compound in Barbados surrounded by servants, most of whom are women.  One servant who escaped told us of the barbaric treatment he received at the estate, but that's a story for another day.  It was Fernando who first hired the proxy who pretended to be "Gertrude" until she became too much of a liability.
• The name of the third CEO is still unknown.  He did not last long as CEO as he used himself as a guinea pig in the insidious greban plot and ceased to have higher brain functions.
• The fourth CEO was named Carl, but we haven't found a reliable record of his last name.  He used the last names Robinson, Ivanov, Escovedo, and McNalley, but none of those names seem to be real.  He led the New Company through some of their most secretive times, and it was he who created the computer program that now serves as CEO.  He went to his underground laboratory and locked the door, and as far as we can tell has not emerged.  He may or may not be alive.
• The current leadership of the New Company is a council of executives who rely heavily on the computer program they call "Gertrude" to help them set their goals and track their progress on world domination.  We obtained a portion of the source code of this program, and we fear that it is rewriting its own code.  We don't know where it will end up, but, for now, it isn't plugged into anything directly.  That is, it gives instructions to the council, it doesn't carry them out.

Goals of the New Company

• The New Company is bent on making evil office products more available than ever and on increasing profits.  In order to achieve this goal, they are willing to sacrifice many of their own operatives and work on extremely risky projects.  We have been unable to confirm many of their activities as of late, but with some of the knowledge we have recently gained we should be able to identify their influence more accurately.  If you have a question about a specific event or situation, contact your local GPD office.
• They are intent on destroying the world's economy in order to build a new one based on brads.
• They hope to stifle dissent by using their horrible creations on mankind and on other species.  The Greban experiment was their most widely seen attempt to punish nonconformists, but it is not their only attempt.

Links to other organizations

• As far as we have been able to discover, the New Company has severed all ties with the Unholy Brotherhood of the Hole Punch and the Parent Corporation.  The Reformed Brotherhood of the Hole Punch has approached them and asked to partner with them, and it seems that the RBHP is being tolerated but not promoted.
• "Edgar" is not aligned with the New Company, and the New Company has issued a statement indicating that anyone who eliminates "Edgar" will be rewarded by receiving one voucher that can be redeemed to avoid an experiment that they find objectionable.  There was some doubt as to "Edgar's" relationship with the New Company, but both he and the New Company have gone to great lengths to demonstrate that they are not aligned.
• The New Company has declared that the GPD is their primary competitor for world domination, and they have launched many campaigns targeting us and our supporters.  Our operatives have kept us safe for the most part.

We hope this has been helpful and that you will submit any further questions to your local GPD office.  Rest assured that we are working on ways to thwart the New Company's evil plans, and that we have already thwarted them many times!