At the GNU Public Dictatorship we are nothing if not dedicated to keeping you safe, which is why, when we hear of incidents such as this one, we don't just brush it off as an odd occurrence. In this incident, part of an uncooked chicken fell from the sky and hit Cassie Bernard on the head while she was riding a horse in the US state of Virginia. She was wearing a helmet and was uninjured, but immediately different agencies began blaming each other for the incident. The "normal" law enforcement officers seem to be focusing on a chicken processing plant in the area, but we have had our operatives investigating the case and have found some disturbing information.
The New Company, led by the evil software that is "Gertrude," has been studying the feasibility of zombie chickens for some time, and while we have seen evidence of failed attempts, we have never been close enough to one of their labs while it was operating to see "live" zombie chickens. "Enrico" recently recovered the files on this experiment, however, and according to their records they have been able to create zombie chickens that live up to an hour before falling apart and resuming their dead state. The file also suggested future directions in zombie chicken research, including the apparent cause of the incident described in this post: flying zombie chickens. There were several possible lines of research indicated in the files we recovered, and we're not yet sure which of them apparently led to a short-lived flying zombie chicken, but we do believe the New Company has achieved some success in this area.
We're not sure what the New Company wants to accomplish with its Flying Zombie Chicken army, but we believe the danger to be real. We ask all of our supporters worldwide to keep their eyes open (and their helmets on) and report any flying zombie chickens to their local GPD County offices!
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