More crime

At the GNU Public Dictatorship we are nothing if not saddened by the amount of crime we find to report to you, but we feel it is our duty to report it so that (1) you will be well-informed world citizens and will let us protect you from criminals and (2) the criminals will fear being exposed in this forum and will not commit crimes so easily.  At this time we would like to mention the case of a 9-year-old Ukranian criminal genius who took money from his father, laundered it, and purchased a controlling share in the local candy market.  While we applaud his initiative, we must recommend against following his example, as when he was found out his ill-gotten gains (at least the ones that weren't already consumed) were confiscated.  On a separate note we would like to point out that the GPD has advised on multiple occasions against the use of banks such as the couch used here, where any person without proof of identity can make large withdrawals.  It's your money, but if you want it to keep being your money you may want to follow our advice!