More about the Salad People

Last year we introduced you to a sinister group, the Salad People. They seem bent on steering people away from soup and toward salads in a variety of settings, but most notably in restaurants. The food-borne toxin that was blamed on our loyal operative "Nikolai" and the Allies by our disgraced operative "Boris" turned out to be more than an attempt to frame "Nikolai" and the Allies as we have consistently found traces of it in salads across the country. The "clues" found by "Boris" turned out to be nothing of consequence. The abandoned warehouses and the taco shop were evidence fabricated by "Boris" to throw us off the real scent, but we were never really fooled.

The purpose of this post, however, is not to summarize what you already knew about the Salad People, but to let you know what we have discovered. Apparently "Boris" had very little imagination as he directed us to a small Italian Taco shop in Weehawken, but we discovered a small Italian Taco shop in Medford, Oregon, that appears to be the source of both the food borne toxin and the Salad People themselves. The owner of the restaurant, one Kevin Mayer (who, incidentally, is neither Italian nor Mexican), swears he has nothing to do with the plot, but we have discovered a set of laboratories in his basement where the toxin was prepared and a set of animal cages that were most likely used to test the toxin. According to documents found at the scene the goal of the toxin was to control the minds of the infected, but they had yet to have a fully successful test. Their most promising batch convinced 34 of the 283 subjects to purchase a piece of pie that they had previously declined, up from 27 for the placebo. If we can't say anything else about Mr. Mayer's operation, at least he used scientifically valid methods!

Please don't assume because we have exposed this threat that the danger has lessened, and please don't give in to the Salad People and give up your right to choose a side without duress. At the GNU Public Dictatorship we are nothing if not pleased with the results of our investigation to date, but we still hope to find the reasons behind this crime against humanity.