Guest Writer: Vlad Smith

The next in our series of guest writers is Vlad Smith of Columbus, Ohio. Vlad was named Dave Thomas by his parents, but after one too many Wendy's jokes he decided to change his name to something less easy to make fun of. As Vlad himself puts it, "When I tell people I'm named after Vlad the Impaler they stop making fun of me." We asked Vlad why he changed his last name to Smith he explained, "I'm really pretty shy and didn't like all the attention I got from the unusual name I used to have, so I chose the most boring last name I could imagine. Nobody thinks twice if you say your name is Smith." Vlad's interests include tatting and auto repair, but he has always wanted to do something bigger, which is why he submitted his application for membership in the Board of Dictators. On to Vlad's writing:

Shocking!

The response to the GPD's exposure of the Salad People's tactics has been phenomenal, with eyewitness accounts naming many of their trusted operatives. Operatives "Viktor" and "Boris" have been following these leads and have found some indications of a very complex organizational structure, but what is perhaps most interesting is that they found that one of the GPD's operatives is apparently involved. "Nikolai" has been a very loyal operative for several years and started working closely with "Viktor" and the Allies earlier this year. The GPD has been concerned about his loyalty for several months, but has had no substantial evidence. The links that were exposed by "Boris" and "Viktor," however, appear to show that "Nikolai" has been willfully promoting salad at the expense of soup for some time now. What's more, they imply that the Allies are somehow involved in creating a food-borne toxin that leads people to be susceptible to suggestion, but that this toxin can't survive the elevated temperatures associated with soup or with most main dishes. If this information is reliable then the Salad People are a much more formidable threat than we had hoped. On the bright side, however, many of the Salad People might be victims of this toxin themselves, which means when we isolate an antidote it may be easy to combat the threat. As the GPD learns more information you will be the first to know. Except that everyone is the first to know since the GPD keeps its information public, but then that doesn't sound as interesting when you say it that way, so never mind my previous statement.