Guest Writer: "Boris"

While "Boris" has been very busy investigating the recent events involving the Salad People, he has also continued to write for us. Today's post is one of his better submissions. Enjoy:

Tying it All Back Together

Recent events have, to say the least, confusing. Most of my colleagues have had a hard time parsing the truth from the fiction and deciding what needs to be done, so I thought I would take some time to tie all of the miscellaneous pieces of the story as it has developed into one whole. I hope this whole will be easy to digest.

The "abandoned" warehouses I mentioned earlier have been thoroughly investigated, and it is clear that the Parent Corporation is still using them. Indications of recent use have been discovered at each of the seven warehouses. Traces of a food-borne toxin were discovered at five of the sites, but not in quantities sufficient to determine what they were doing with it. Our disgraced operative "Nikolai" was apprehended entering one of the sites after hours, and has been conclusively linked to the Salad People. He has apparently been advocating the consumptions of salads over soups and inserting the toxin into the salads. We do not believe that he is infected by the toxin, which aims to allow the Salad People or their nefarious allies. Meanwhile, the Allies continue to plead ignorance and, unfortunately, no bullet-proof evidence has been obtained yet to link them to the conspiracy, but there is a lot of circumstantial evidence, such as the jacket discovered at a tiny Italian Taco restaurant in Weehawken, New Jersey. The jacket was confirmed as belonging to a prominent member of the Allies and contained vials of the food-borne toxin. Unfortunately (or fortunately, depending on your point of view) the evidence has not yet convinced the Board of Dictators to sever their ties with the Allies.

I hope this recap of information has helped clarify the current situation, and that it will enable you to make more informed decisions on your next night out.