A report on my adventure

When I set out last week on a journey to the hollow center of the earth I had no idea what would befall me, but we knew that it if we are truly going to establish a GNU World Order it was critical to enlist the people on the inside of the earth as well as on the outer crust. It wasn't an easy journey, and I won't bore you with the details, other than the fact that the entrance I used is in Preston, Idaho. The Unholy Brotherhood of the Hole Punch found an entrance in Lubbock, Texas, but we have since sealed that entrance and heavily guarded the Preston, Idaho, entrance to prevent their interference in the future.

Our expedition wandered in the ground for several hours before coming upon the UBHP's delegation, at which time we hid and observed their actions. When we ascertained that they were attempting to beat us to the inhabitants of that strange world we promptly surrounded them and captured them. I sent a part of our force to the surface with them and moved on. My force sealed the Texas entrance and interrogated our captured enemies, but that's another story. The information we got from them was quite helpful, and we expect it to play a large role in future posts. We have learned, however, our lesson in spewing information in this forum prematurely, so you will have to wait to learn what we learned.

Anyway, after wandering through the caverns for what seemed like much longer than it actually was, we found what we were looking for: a representative of the inhabitants of the center of the earth. He was not much help as he didn't even speak Esperanto, but we managed to get our point across eventually using visual aids and sign language. He cowered when we showed him a picture of a hole punch, which goes to show how much primitive man initially feared the tools we have been taught to wield in the modern world.

He took us to his village (apparently there are many small villages down there, but they live in peace and prosperity due to the lack of brads and hole punches) and one elder there had learned to speak Esperanto, so we learned from her the story of their civilization. We also related the story of our efforts to keep nefarious office products out of their realm, and we got a treaty signed that states that while they will not join us in the fight above ground they will not tolerate brads or hole punches in their realms. We look forward to more talks with our subterranean friends, and at the GNU Public Dictatorship we are nothing if not pleased with the Parent Corporation's inability to spread their evils underground!