Hold on to your cold cuts

For many years now the number of lunch meat thefts has been so low that most of us are not afraid to go out in the open with a deli sandwich, but for those of us who have been around for a few years we remember the age when to take a sliced ham sandwich out of the safety of your home was to expect a violent mugging. Efforts on the part of the police and several government agencies have helped, but the stroke that nearly eradicated the threat was the formation of the Citizens for Cold Cut Safety (CCCS), a grass-roots organization that has for years been working behind the scenes to ensure that anyone could take a sandwich anywhere without fear of reprisal. Unfortunately, as this incident reminds us that the threat is still present. Granted, it wasn't a man with a gun or even a man with a knife, and granted, the bear only took the sandwich and left, but it stands a reminder to us all that we can' just waltz aroudn with our coldcuts out in the open. We should at least eat them in the safety of our own home, and transport them (if necessary) in discreet ways. At the GNU Public Dictatorship we are nothing if not committed to eradicating sandwich muggings, and we hope you will use these common-sense tips!