I returned two days ago from my most dangerous task yet. Though we have thousands of supporters who would have gladly taken on this responsibility, I felt it was urgent to not put any of them at risk. I speak, of course, of immersing myself in the world of paper goods.
I flew to Germany, where I posed as a tourist with unsuspecting relatives, while simultaneously researching some foul rumors that had come to our attention. It seems that the Unholy Brotherhood has chosen to scale back their US operations temporarily, due to our increased diligence in our home country. What they did not realize is that the influence of the GNU Public Dictatorship has infiltrated every corner of the earth. So naturally our spies alerted us to their German activities immediately.
The world of paper goods, of course, is completely safe and approved by the GPD. The Unholy Brotherhood recognizes, of course, that there would be little use for hole punches if there were no paper products. They have been sending agents into various paper businesses, touting not only the nefarious uses of the hole punch but other products as well. While we are not yet at liberty to explain these malicious plans, be assured that we are working around the clock to come to that point. We at the GNU Public Dictatorship are nothing if not dedicated to informing you of potentially dangerous crafting products.
In the meantime, keep in mind a few basic rules:
* If your crafting supply has a jagged or sharp edge, its' use may be twisted or perverted to accomplish the nefarious and perverted goals of the Parent Corporation.
* If your crafting supply causes undue perforations or tears, you may want to pack it away until it has been examined by our Safety and Hazard Interrogation Team.
* If your crafting project encourages you to use other products that are known as unsafe, such as hole punches, you may be the victim of a plot by the Parent Corporation and Unholy Brotherhood.
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