More Information

Many of our readers were very concerned last Wednesday when we posted this correction to our story about the fate of our beloved operative, "Viktor." While most of the respondents expressed concern that we were letting our investigation be derailed by a single piece of "evidence" that we didn't release to the public, some expressed concern that we might be betraying our true purpose. In response we, the Board of Dictators, would like to state that we took a calculated risk. We have detailed statistics about our readership, which we used to come to the only statistically sound conclusion: state that "Viktor" is truly and once-and-for-all dead, ending the debate in news sources that do not dig beneath the surface, while, admittedly, arousing the suspicions of those readers who don't simply take things at face value.

At the GNU Public Dictatorship we are nothing if not pragmatic, which is why we opted for this solution. We did not relish the embarrassment of having to print corrections not once, but twice, but we knew that the mission "Viktor" was on would have been irreparably damaged if his adversaries had reason to believe something was amiss. Yes, you read that correctly, "Viktor" is in fact alive and well and in the wrapping-up stages of the most important mission of his life. Our post of Tuesday hit close enough to the truth that "Viktor" emerged from hiding long enough to deliver to our operatives a message imploring us to keep silence for a few more days and that he would explain it all to us when he got a chance. We authenticated the message from "Viktor" and realized that, as only bad has come from doubting "Viktor" in the past, it could only be the truth. We have not yet finished our debriefings, but what we know we can tell you know is that (1) the mission has been a success, (2) it appears to have been in the planning stages for over 35 years, and (3) "Viktor" apparently learned much more about his past.

We are looking forward to passing on as much information to you as we can, just as soon as we get it and can verify that it won't help our enemies!