An exciting development!

In a surprise (to most of the world, anyway) announcement the Parent Corporation announced today that it is filing for Chapter 11 bankruptcy protection. This is a huge step in our master plan, and we are very pleased with everyone who made it a reality. We know that many of you have questions (our inboxes have been quite full), so we will endeavor to explain to you the ramifications of this historic announcement.

Q. Does this mean the Parent Corporation has been eradicated?
A. Unfortunately, no. Chapter 11 bankruptcy protection exists to keep a company afloat during restructuring. It is a sign that the Parent Corporation is unable to pay its creditors, but it does not mean that they will be going away any time soon.

Q. Could this just be a trick?
A. With "Edgar" at the helm of the Parent Corporation there is always the possibility of some elaborate subterfuge going on, but the intelligence we have suggests that the blow dealt by "Viktor" and the Allies was enough to force them to this.

Q. What do we do now?
A. As mentioned in the opening paragraph this is one of the large steps in our master plan for eradicating the Parent Corporation. We expected to reach this step later this year, but due to the surprise assistance of "Viktor" and the Allies we have reached it earlier than we had expected, which may cause some complications. We have been turning the public against government assistance of private corporations for some time now, but we are not sure that we have convinced everyone that no evil Parent Corporation is too big to fail, so we need each of you to write to your governmental representatives (assuming you have them. Supporters living in governments unresponsive to the Will of the People are exempted from this request but are being asked to stage anonymous protests to have their governments cede power to the GNU Public Dictatorship as soon as possible) and ask them to oppose bailing out the Parent Corporation.

Q. You mentioned getting governments to cede their power to you. How can we assist?
A. At the GNU Public Dictatorship we are nothing if not ambitious, which is why we have been involved in so many seemingly-unrelated things over the last few years. The need right now is for our supporters to explain to their friends, neighbors, and elected representatives that the GNU Public Dictatorship is their best chance for true happiness and freedom from brads and hole punches. Polls already show public opinion turning in our favor, and with a little more word-of-mouth advertising we are sure to succeed!

Q. What is the likely outcome of the bankruptcy proceedings?
A. Our lawyers have explained to us that the most likely outcome will be that the Parent Corporation will have to hide its remaining resources in apparently unrelated business ventures and that the courts will help the Parent Corporation restructure so that it can pay its creditors and return to profitability. We expect this to mean that the coordinated attacks that have been on the rise recently will be curtailed, but we do not expect the real leaders of the Unholy Brotherhood of the Hole Punch to cease their scheming or their smaller attacks. As of right now we have no reason to assume that the courts have been tainted by their operatives, but we will keep our eyes open.