Cancer sticks: no longer what you thought

For many years now there have been campaigns against smoking, and for good reason. Smoking has been linked to a number of diseases, including cancer, and the risks from smoking seem to outweigh the benefits of looking cool or classy. Now that we as a society seem to agree that smoking is not a good thing, the anti-cancer league has latched on to a new "cancer stick:" household candles. While they admit that there are other lifestyle choices that could affect your chances of contracting cancer more, they recommend limiting your use of candles. At the GNU Public Dictatorship we are nothing if not cautious, but we assure you that "an occasional paraffin candle and its emissions will not likely affect you."