When to call emergency services

Our report about the Parent Corporation's potential virus mailings seems to have alarmed people more than we had expected, and it appears from some of these reports that people are calling emergency services (9-1-1, 112, 999, etc.) too often. The general rule is that you should refrain from calling emergency services unless it is an emergency. We will attempt to give some simple guidelines to help clarify this.

• If something or someone is threatening your life or the lives of others, it is probably an emergency.
  
• It is not an emergency when the local Jack-in-the-Box runs out of lemonade. It may be disconcerting, and it may be frustrating, but even if the EMTs were to come out they are not equipped with replacement lemonade syrup.
• If someone is injured and needs immediate medical attention, it may be an emergency.
• If there is a fire threatening or consuming a man-made structure, it is probably an emergency.
  
• If you receive something suspicious in your mail (not e-mail), such as the hole punch disks described in our post or a suspicious white powder, it may be a good idea to call emergency services.
  
• It is not an emergency when the clerk at the local convenience store clerk refuses to sell you beer. Again it may be frustrating, but emergency services is not (generally) in the business of providing alcohol to citizens.

We hope these guidelines will help our supporters to know when it is and when it is not appropriate to call emergency services. At the GNU Public Dictatorship we are nothing if not socially conscious!