How not to evade the police in a high speed chase

We received such a positive response to our suggestions on how not to fake your own death that we decided to post about how not to evade the police in a high speed chase. We will focus primarily on the not-quite-so-stellar attempt at evasion here, but the comments should aid those who are contemplating taking similar action.

While the details are sketchy about what she was doing, when an officer approached her she refused to roll down the window, choosing to instead stare at the officer and then try to escape, which brings us to the first rule:

1. Know when to run from the police, and when to talk to them. In most cases it is easier to deal with a moving violation or even a court appearance for a misdemeanor rather than to get caught after a high speed chase. The intelligent would-be criminal should evaluate the risk of being caught and weigh that against the penalty for being caught before the chase begins. Only if there is a reasonable chance of escaping from the police should any attempt be made to outrun them.

After running, our perpetrator tried a tactic which seemed to work very well. She kept her lights off, causing the pursuing officers to worry that she was endangering herself and others, and to call off the chase. This brings us to rule number two:

2. If you are in a high speed chase, give the police reason to call the chase off. In the E.T. the children on bikes who were trying to run away with E.T. tried going on roads inaccessible to the police, which seemed to work for a while, but eventually they returned to accessible roads and had to rely on the powers of an extraterrestrial being to fly over the cars of the law enforcement.

After the chase was called off, our woman kept driving recklessly and caught the attention of other officers. This was not ideal, and brings us to rule three:

3. If the chase has been called off, either get off the road or try not to call any more attention to yourself.

And finally, rule four:

4. If you are still being followed, don't stop to valet park your vehicle. You will be caught.

We hope these suggestions will help people avoid high speed chases, but at the GNU Public Dictatorship we are nothing if not pragmatic and we understand that people will have high speed chases no matter what we say.