The GNU Public Dictatorship Board of Dictators "Election": A Clarification

At the GNU Public Dictatorship we are nothing if not saddened that we must make this clarification, but it seems that when we posted the application materials yesterday and simultaneously asked the press to release more information we should not have relied on them.  The press apparently ignored our request and angered many of our non-human supporters.  While most of our non-human supporters were irked and simply contacted their local GPD offices for clarification, there were a few that could not control their anger and commenced to demonstrate violently against our perceived discrimination.

Many of our human supporters (most of whom give little to no thought about the non-human life they encounter) may be asking, "What is this perceived injustice?" or "Why would they want to demonstrate against the GNU Public 'Election'?" but if you are, please refrain from doing so out loud and revealing your insensitivity.  Our announcement yesterday in this forum focused solely on our human supporters wishing to join the board, and our asking of questions such as "what is your credit card number?" could easily be construed as biased, as there are very few non-humans who have been granted the privilege of having a credit card, and most banks agree that these are based on factually incorrect applications.  In fact, it is the stated policy of nearly every bank (actually every bank we can find except the Saga Garden Bank, which failed three years ago) to deny applications of non-human organisms.  Many of our non-human supporters took this to mean that they were not welcome to apply for membership in the Board of Dictators, but they were wrong.

The application materials we posted online apply only to human applicants.  Non-human applicants were supposed to be notified via the normal press that "elections" would be held at their local GPD offices.  Applicants who impressed their local officers would be put in contact directly with the Board of Dictators, who would then meet with them and decide whether their talents merit their joining the Board.  We had initially attempted to create an application form for non-human supporters, but we tried to decide what the common characteristics of all forms of life were and found that there were very few, such as being able to reproduce, digest, and respond to stimuli.  Since these characteristics would be readily apparent in an interview, we decided to forgo the application itself.

At the GNU Public Dictatorship we are nothing if not sorry that we got some of you worked up, but we hope that you will apply as soon as possible at your local GPD offices!