The Dangers of Renting Friends

At the GNU Public Dictatorship we are nothing if not committed to your happiness, which is why we would like to take a moment to warn you about the dangers of renting your friends. Some might argue that it makes sense to rent a friend to show you around a new city or to take with you to a wedding or other event where you are expected to have a guest, but do not let them convince you that renting a friend is without undesirable consequences!

It has been reported in multiple studies that, while friends do generally exert a positive influence on an individual, they can also become a source of significant stress as they can either pressure that individual to conform to their expectations or become a drain on that individual because of their unending needs. Some have argued that rented friends are free from these undesirable aspects of friendship, but research shows that when someone pays to rent a friend they feel obligated to "get their money's worth" and are willing to endure the inconveniences of friendship just to make themselves feel better about the whole situation.

While it would be great if we could leave it at this and simply let you all know that you might be getting more than you bargained for, but we have seen at least fifteen incidents involving rented friends where the rented friend convinced the renter that they should experiment with brads or other scrapbooking paraphernalia. If that was all we had to tell you we would also be pleased, but we regret to inform you that in eleven of those incidents we were able to conclusively determine that the so-called friends were actually in the employ of the Parent Corporation. We implore you to please choose your friends wisely, even if you are just renting them!