New information

We are pleased to announce that our investigations into recent disturbances is drawing to a close, and we have decided that we have some reliable new information regarding these disturbing occurrences. We are pleased to report that our fears that the Parent Corporation and their associates were using nano-robotic lichens to assassinate individuals are unfounded. We would like to report, as well, that we have indeed eradicated all of the extant nano-robotic lichens, but we cannot, unfortunately, yet occupy all of space to check. (In fact, our scientists tell us it would be difficult to check every location on earth, but we think they're just lazy) In any case we have concluded based on our statistical analysis that there are likely fewer than 32 lichens in the wild at this time, and our scientists have assured us that these 32 lichens could hardly be expected to organize into any useful tool for the Unholy Brotherhood of the Hole Punch.

So much for the good news. It is our duty to report that, while we don't appear to be facing a resurgent lichen invasion, all is not a blue sunny outlook. The Parent Corporation does appear to be behind the disturbances mentioned earlier, but they appear to be using other means to accomplish their dastardly crimes. It appears that they did not anticipate our development of NARLD devices, and that we discovered a signal that not only disrupts nano-robotic lichens, but also many other tools their operatives were planning on using. With no time to re-design, they have resorted to disabling (clumsily, we might add) NARLD devices before carrying out their missions. On several occasions this delay has given their targets time to react and has frustrated their purposes, but we do not believe this advantage will last long.

We continue to urge caution and recommend that you have at least two backup NARLD devices in any location you frequent, but we would also like to reassure you that things are not so bad as we initially feared!