The Consequences of Dealing with the Enemy

We have suspected for several weeks now that the oil spill in the Gulf of Mexico was not simply an accident, but an act of extreme evil by our nemesis, the Unholy Brotherhood of the Hole Punch. Until now, however, when we discovered the incriminating communications, we had no hard evidence that could link them to the disaster. Daniel's work on transmission lines has paid off again, this time in letting us overhear some communications between top UBHP officials. The exchange was essentially a report from an operative on how the evidence of their involvement in the leak has nearly been destroyed by the subsequent efforts to patch the leak, and that no one will suspect what really happened. We hate to rain on their parade, but we do suspect what really happened, which is essentially this:

Several months ago the UBHP approached top officials at BP with an offer of alliance. BP rejected the unholy alliance and told them, in essence, to get lost. The UBHP responded by infiltrating BP and getting their own personnel to the drilling rig that exploded. They simultaneously changed their approach with BP executives and started trying to woo them with gifts. The gifts worked, and the BP executives finally relented and agreed to a secret discussion. "Edgar" flew in on his private jet and met with them, but, to their credit, the BP executives saw through the overtures and gifts and recognized that the Unholy Brotherhood of the Hole Punch was not someone they wanted to deal with. The meeting ended with "Edgar" being escorted from the room by BP security, all the while vowing to "get even" with BP.

The events immediately preceding the explosion on the drilling rig are the subject of intense scrutiny at the moment, so we won't attempt to cover them other than to mention that the UBHP operatives were in place and performing their mission when the disaster occurred. It is also likely, although the evidence is not all in yet, that they had something to do with the prior damage to the well that precipitated the crisis.

At the GNU Public Dictatorship we are nothing if not observant, which is why we can note that neither the UBHP nor the Parent Corporation has resorted to terrorism before and that we have never found evidence that either one has had a failed secret meeting with company executives in the past. It seems, then, safe to say that if you agree to an audience with "Edgar," you had better be serious about it.

Our operatives have confirmed that the spies used by the UBHP did, in fact, perish in the incident and that their efforts ensured that the well would remain uncapped for over a month. We would like to take a paragraph or two to denounce the irresponsible methods of the Parent Corporation, but that will have to wait for another day. For now it will suffice to say that we are shocked and appalled by the utter indifference to the welfare of the world and its citizens shown by this act of terrorism, and that we will be stepping up our harassment of our enemies. (Incidentally, the overall incident rate has dropped sharply since the incident involving "Viktor" and The Allies. More about that, later). Keep up the good work, and remember to just say "no" to negotiations with the Parent Corporation!