Success!

For the impatient we will summarize this post in one line: We have "The Item" and it is more horrible than we could have imagined!

Those of you who have more than a few seconds to spend contemplating the implications of this statement will likely find the remainder of this post quite interesting. We are very pleased to have finally recovered "The Item" as it was the culmination of many months' work, and it is a terrible blow to the Parent Corporation. We have our experts authenticating our findings now, and, assuming they are authenticated, our find also rewrites the modern history of the brad and Jacob Gehris!

It all went down over Thanksgiving weekend (which, incidentally, is why there weren't any posts on Thursday or Friday) in Truth or Consequences, New Mexico. Penny Law's tip told us about the secret cache left by the famous Mr. Carruthers. It took us the better part of the weekend to locate the cache, but once we found it it took mere minutes to locate the item. It would have taken mere seconds to take the item into custody if we all hadn't been so shocked by the evil that is "The Item". After some open-mouthed gaping we finally did take the item into our possession and it is currently in a secure location being studied by a panel of trusted experts. We can't share much about "The Item" here and now, but once our experts authenticate it we will share the implications of our discovery with you. At the GNU Public Dictatorship we are nothing if not pleased with our apparent coup in obtaining the mysterious object before the Parent Corporation, and we look forward to letting you know more about it in the days to come!