The Scene of the Crime

We have found some interesting new leads in the disappearance of Quisling and his replacement by his evil twin "Edgar" which have called me to Nevada to investigate them personally. With a little luck we'll know exactly what happened and be able to make a few arrests within a few days. I'll keep you posted.

Now I'll take a moment to respond to a concern raised by several of our supporters: shouldn't there be an independent commission investigating this incident? The truth of the matter is that we do use independent commissions, but as they often take too long to get any useful leads we usually wait until the situation has been properly handled and then hire a third-party contractor to confirm that we did our jobs correctly. Having the independent investigators looking at the same time we do means (1) we duplicate work, and (2) we step on each others' toes. By using independent investigators later, we can be sure that they only investigate important leads and verify that our correct methods reached the correct conclusions. It's much less messy this way. We appreciate your concern about transparency and would like to reiterate that everything the GNU Public Dictatorship does is open, meaning that you can find out everything that we do, assuming you file the right paperwork. At the GNU Public Dictatorship we are nothing if not committed to truth and openness in government!