The New Company's latest strategy

At the GNU Public Dictatorship we are nothing if not dedicated to destroying the evil New Company and all of its affiliates, and we have made some great progress of late.  Although we know there are but few of you, for those who haven't been visiting their local County offices over the last few months we will summarize our accomplishments here.

1. We were able to contain the "Cabbage (Patch?) Kids" outbreak in eastern Asia.  As it turns out it wasn't the New Company behind it, but we did find that some sources that contribute money to the New Company were involved, and we have added those organizations to our list of affiliates of the New Company.
2. We did not capitulate to "Edgar's" demands that we step aside and let him rule the world. Instead we increased our efforts.  The recent PBJ DDoS attack was apparently "Edgar's" attempt to punish us for not stepping aside.  It appears that the attack took enough resources that the New Company hasn't launched other major projects for months
3. The New Company is reducing its brad and hole punch output, much as "Edgar" said they would.  It appears that, as he said, he is not so much bent on evil office products as on world domination.  Perhaps we can work with him after all.
4. The Unholy Brotherhood of the Hole Punch and the Reformed Brotherhood of the Hole Punch have moved to a series of small islands off the California coast where they believe they will be left to worship the hole punch according to the dictates of their consciences without our interference.  As a gesture of good will, we have signed an agreement with them that if they don't evangelize beyond their islands, we won't oppose them.  So far the agreement has held.

In general, then, the GPD is in a fairly good situation. While we still have some organizations out there actively promoting evil office products (the Brad Guys, the UBHP and RBHP) and we still have a worthy rival in "Edgar" we are holding our own and gaining ground.  Make no mistake, we aren't saying that we have won, and we know that "Edgar" probably has a million plans up his sleeve, but we have been able to broker some very interesting political deals all over the world and are very active in laying the foundations of the New Future, which we hope will come sooner rather than later.  If all of you remain vigilant we're sure it will come sooner!