Reconciliation

At the GNU Public Dictatorship we are nothing if not magnanimous, which is why when our former operative "Natasha" returned the dry-erase markers she had taken when she defected to join her beau in opposing us we decided to downgrade her status from "most likely evil" to "not completely trustworthy."  This reconciliation with "Natasha" is an important step in focusing our efforts where they belong rather than keeping track of "Edgar" and "Natasha."  While we know that "Natasha" is still a member of a group that is not completely aligned with our interests, we also know that we have a lot in common with her husband "Edgar" and his movement.  We won't be merging with "Edgar" and his "Rule by Edgar" movement, but we will be able to fight to crush the remaining embers of the Parent Corporation and the Unholy Brotherhood of the Hole Punch.  Unfortunately their zeal does not extend as much to the New Company and its threats, but we'll take support when we can get it.

On another note, there is still no word from the New Company or its operatives, and we are beginning to be very worried about their next move.  Please let your local GPD office know of anything suspicious or any information you might have been able to gather about the New Company's evil schemes.

Interesting developments

At the GNU Public Dictatorship we are nothing if not surprised that the New Company has not yet come forward to take responsibility for the many tragedies of late.  We suspect that they were probably involved in the bombing at the Boston Marathon (although the FBI has refused to release whether or not brads were used in the bomb), the fertilizer plant explosion in West, Texas, and in the earthquake in Iran near the Pakistani border, among other things.  What surprised us more, however, was that they haven't been heard from at all since a cryptic communication released two weeks ago stated simply that "the time is now."  Rumors are flying around that they have disbanded, but we suspect that they have not.  Others speculated that they have been stepping up their war against humanity and all that is decent, but our operatives haven't even been able to find most their operatives for the last week or so, and those that we can find seem to be doing nothing much.  We are asking our supporters to keep their eyes and ears open, although closing your ears would be quite a chore, and to tell us about anything they observe regarding the New Company or its operatives.

On a separate note, "Edgar" and his wife "Natasha" have been making overtures to us implying that they would like to reconcile and work together, citing a change of heart and a drop in churro sales.  We have always been clear that we will accept them if they are sincere, and we are working to verify their sincerity as we speak.  "Natasha" did, for instance, give us 34 boxes of dry erase markers...

Fairness

At the GNU Public Dictatorship, we are nothing if not fair, which is why we also try to promote fairness in other organizations.  After months of negotiations we are finally ready to announce that our deal with Samoa Air is finalized.  Now those who occupy more space in an airplane and cause it to use more fuel in taking them to their chosen destination will finally pay their fair share.

Some might argue that this is unfair, but whether or not it is depends on your perspective.  From a societal perspective, this measure encourages those who are overweight to reduce their own weight, and to, in the meantime, refrain from flying.  Both measures are desirable and both will eventually make society better.  Some have argued that, since being overweight is sometimes a medical condition and not simply a behavioral aberration, this is unfairly discriminating against people who can't help it.  We believe that this logic is flawed, as people who are medically required to cart a bunch of extra equipment around with them in their checked luggage may be subjected to additional fees on most mainstream airlines today.  Either way, it is a step in the right direction, but what the GPD really wants is a charge based on intelligence, or at least some useful proxy for intelligence such as IQ.  While it wouldn't be perfect, it would discourage those with lower IQs from travelling by air, and would thus localize the undesirable lower-intelligence individuals into communities with no mobility and free the rest of us to do as we please.  It's a win-win situation, really!

Manatee Gray

At the GNU Public Dictatorship we are nothing if not dedicated to the well-being of everyone, which is why when Target recently made a "mistake" in labeling their plus-sized gray dress as "manatee gray" while their regular-sized gray dress was labeled "heather gray" we were deeply offended.  We have tried to contact Target with our concerns but have not met with anyone yet.  We find it incredibly insensitive that they would choose to label the dresses the way they did, and we think that they should apologize.  We have been able to quell the impending riots among our supporters, but not all manatees support us as of right now.  We hope enough of them do to keep this from getting out of control!

Recyclable Enforcement

At the GNU Public Dictatorship we are nothing if not excited about innovation, especially when such innovation reduces costs and risks to human and other life by making the world a safer place to be.  One such recent innovation is the hiring of non-living cardboard cops who, unless it is raining, are at least as effective as "real" cops in similar situations.  Some may argue that it is unfair to the cardboard police officers to not pay them a wage comparable to human officers, but we would like to point out that the training required to be a cardboard cop falls short of the training required for human police, and so the pay disparity has a basis.  Some might argue that it is unfair to employ low-wage workers who steal livelihoods from ordinary cops, but we think that the Bangalore plan is not hurting existing police wages nearly as much as it is creating a safer world, which is why we are putting our full support behind cardboard enforcers in many settings around the world.