At the GNU Public Dictatorship we are nothing if not committed to the ethical treatment of animals, but we do not use that commitment to justify heinous acts, regardless of who is committing them. Most of our supporters understand this, but, sadly, some of them do not have the cognitive ability to distinguish equality from superiority. It seems that some of our bovine supporters used our last message here (about the unethical treatment of a moose) to justify bullying their human neighbors and stealing their libations. Our operatives were on the scene soon after the incident for damage control, and after the cows were collected they were informed that their actions were unacceptable. They argued that they were just exerting their equality with humans, but after our operatives explained the likely outcome had a group of humans done what they did, they understood that they had made a mistake.
The cows involved in this incident are sorry for the trouble they caused, and have committed to make no such mistakes in the future. Unfortunately, their IQs are low enough that we fear they may forget about this commitment. We ask all of our supporters to keep an eye on the cows in their neighborhoods and inform their local GPD office if they find any raucous or rowdy behavior.
Wednesday, May 30, 2012
Wednesday, May 23, 2012
Unethical treatment of animals
At the GNU Public Dictatorship we are nothing if not committed to equal rights for all, including our animal, vegetable, undead, and bacterial (assuming they ever ask for it) friends. This commitment is not without challenges, however, as many times the benefit of one individual or group of individual is in direct conflict with the rights of some other individual or group. The resolution of these conflicts is our mission; we aim to create a New Future where all will be treated fairly.
At the same time, some of these conflicts are easily resolved, such as the recent case in which a woman was attacked with a moose. The mainstream media have steered clear of the more controversial (and more correct) interpretation of the facts in the case and have stuck with the story that the woman struck and killed a moose with her vehicle and then drove 25 miles further with a severely damaged car and absolutely no memory of the incident. The facts, however, show that the damage due to her car was not random happenstance, but a direct result of a weapons test by none other than operatives of the New Company. While no official statement of responsibility has been issued, the trail is clear. Operatives of the New Company, posing as operatives of the GPD, set up an experimental moose cannon in the Canadian forest, leaving leaflets about the dangers of brads strewn around the forest floor (on a side note, the GNU Public Dictatorship is also nothing if not against litter, and had those been our operatives they would have been subjected to the feared refrigerator-door jamb torture). Anyway, the cannon apparently requires a live or recently killed moose, so they brought one along and loaded it into the cannon. They took aim at several vehicles, and, according to the forensics clues, the cannon misfired at least twice, killing the moose. On their last try they were successfully able to hit the passing vehicle of the unlucky Michelle Higgins, whose subsequent story has been reported fairly well by the mainstream media.
We don't know what we find more disturbing: the use of a live moose as ammunition, or the pitiful attempts at shifting the blame to us. We do not think the New Company's operatives are that inept, which is why we believe this is part of some larger plot that we have not yet uncovered. Rest assured, however, that no matter what you read, the GPD is not creating or considering the creation of cannons that use live moose or any other animals as ammunition!
At the same time, some of these conflicts are easily resolved, such as the recent case in which a woman was attacked with a moose. The mainstream media have steered clear of the more controversial (and more correct) interpretation of the facts in the case and have stuck with the story that the woman struck and killed a moose with her vehicle and then drove 25 miles further with a severely damaged car and absolutely no memory of the incident. The facts, however, show that the damage due to her car was not random happenstance, but a direct result of a weapons test by none other than operatives of the New Company. While no official statement of responsibility has been issued, the trail is clear. Operatives of the New Company, posing as operatives of the GPD, set up an experimental moose cannon in the Canadian forest, leaving leaflets about the dangers of brads strewn around the forest floor (on a side note, the GNU Public Dictatorship is also nothing if not against litter, and had those been our operatives they would have been subjected to the feared refrigerator-door jamb torture). Anyway, the cannon apparently requires a live or recently killed moose, so they brought one along and loaded it into the cannon. They took aim at several vehicles, and, according to the forensics clues, the cannon misfired at least twice, killing the moose. On their last try they were successfully able to hit the passing vehicle of the unlucky Michelle Higgins, whose subsequent story has been reported fairly well by the mainstream media.
We don't know what we find more disturbing: the use of a live moose as ammunition, or the pitiful attempts at shifting the blame to us. We do not think the New Company's operatives are that inept, which is why we believe this is part of some larger plot that we have not yet uncovered. Rest assured, however, that no matter what you read, the GPD is not creating or considering the creation of cannons that use live moose or any other animals as ammunition!
Wednesday, May 16, 2012
Soon!
At the GNU Public Dictatorship we are nothing if not eager to get back to regular posts. This post, which really isn't much of a post after all, is to let all of our anxious readers know that the situation that caused us to suspend our posts for several weeks now is the clearing stages and traffic will soon return to normal! Thank you for using alternate routes in the meantime and bearing with us.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
Posts
