Nano-robotic Lichen?

I have spent the last week and a half studying a possible outbreak of nano-robotic lichen in the mountains of the Western United States, and am ready to make a full report. First, a little background for those who haven't been following the story closely. I realize that all of our true supporters won't need this explanation, but since we are always looking to expand our support, we will provide the details in case anyone with a sincere interest in our cause still hasn't allied his or herself with us. If you are aware of the details, feel free to skip the next paragraph.

Nano-robotic lichens were purportedly developed in secret using discarded brads and hole punch remnants by a super-secret laboratory based somewhere in the Amazon jungle. While there have been many sightings on YouTube of these nefarious symbiotic organisms, none have turned up in the reputable laboratories and none in the less-reputable laboratories that often deal with this sort of item. There have been fears that they have been deposited around the mountainous regions of western North America, but no corroborating evidence has been discovered. With some Parent Corporation memos recently intercepted by Daniel, we obtained some leads and decided to investigate them without delay.

Upon arriving at the alleged site I was confronted with the monumental task of finding and testing all of the lichen in the area and of setting up sensors so that we can observe the lichen from the comfort of our board room. We tested the lichen's responses to electromagnetic stimuli of astonishing variety, but we could elicit no response. Additionally we ran them through all of the standard tests for the presence of nano-robotics and could find no trace of them. We are not confident enough in these results to state that no such nano-robotic lichens exist, but we are confident enough to state that no such nano-robotic lichens were present in any of the samples we made, which leads us to a statistical statement that it is 97.223% likely that no such lichen exist anywhere in the world, and 99.9996% likely that no such lichen exist in the western mountainous regions of the United States.

At the GNU Public Dictatorship we are nothing if not pleased to bring you this good news and we hope that you will, regardless of our confidence, keep your eyes, ears, and gas chromatographs on the lookout for evil nano-robots!