"Elections" results

At the GNU Public Dictatorship we are nothing if not sad to report that none of the candidates for membership in the Board of Dictators were accepted in this round of "elections".

• Jill Quispe Gonzales Noot was eliminated as she did not pass the guest writer trial
• Eero Smith was eliminated as he refused to keep "Natasha's" true mission a secret until it had played out.  He will be released from the GNU Public Dungeons as soon as his ride arrives.
• Dak Mueller was eliminated when it was found that the sleep number he reported on his application did not match the sleep number he typically uses.  This came to light when the sleep number bed he was sleeping on was found at a 23 instead of the 26 that he had reported.  Unfortunately for him, the surveillance images of the bed did not support his story that "I am Dak and someone must have changed it!"  He was caught changing it in his sleep, and when our researchers finished vetting his story about choosing his sleep number it became clear that he occasionally has lapses in his memory and isn't reliable enough to be a member of the Board of Dictators.

We hope that all of our loyal supporters will begin the process of applying for our next election now so that you will fare better than this year's finalists!