Another failed bank

At the GNU Public Dictatorship we are nothing if not cautious, which is why we have always recommended properly researching where to keep your money, lest you not find it there when you want it.  Unfortunately, many people don't check out the banks where they deposit their money, and we have another sad story to report, where someone lost US $40,000 in a bad investment in a couch.  When she began having health troubles, her family decided to donate the couch to charity, as she wouldn't be needing it.  Fortunately, for her, the young women who found the money were kind enough to return it to her, but it could have been a very unfortunate depletion of her retirement account, all because she didn't check out the solvency and permanency of the couch before depositing her money there.  At the GPD we are extremely pleased that the money was returned to her, and we hope our supporters will follow the example of these model world citizens!

Cabbage (Patch?) Kids (Warning: May Contain Vegetables)

At the GNU Public Dictatorship we are nothing if not shocked and appalled at the recent behavior observed in China, and even more than shocked and more than appalled at the light way in which people are treating it.  Some have suggested that this is simply a way for lonely teens to overcome their loneliness, but it smacks of an evil mind-control plot to the GPD and our operatives, and you can rest assured that we will investigate this to find whether the New Company is behind it at all.  It could be any number of things, ranging from simple hypnosis or hooliganism to a concerted effort to defraud the world.  Besides, it simply isn't decent to keep vegetables in bondage, especially since we have made such great strides toward true equality.  We hope that our supporters will spurn such trends and instead find happiness through other, less vegetable-filled means.

Churros for all!

"Edgar" has been at odds with the GPD for a while, now, and in our latest row he has decided that he doesn't want his patented churro recipe, and has given it to us.  We are currently filing for the destruction of the patent so that all may enjoy delicious churros royalty-free!  Oh, and "Edgar" has given his operatives instructions to do whatever is necessary to get us to capitulate, but, just so you know, at the GNU Public Dictatorship we are nothing if not firm in our correct decisions, and we will resist all such attempts, whatever they may be.  Let us know if you see anything suspicious, and together we will keep "Edgar" from enslaving us all!

"Edgar"

Since last Friday's letter from "Edgar" we have received repeated text messages, phone calls, emails, and visits from couriers demanding that we comply with his demands "or else."

We are not going to comply, so we have asked our operatives to be looking out for the "else" and ask you, our loyal supporters, to do your best to be vigilant and careful, and to report any suspicious use of brads in your neighborhoods!

A letter from "Edgar"

At the GNU Public Dictatorship we have been nothing if not patient with "Edgar", but when he took a leading role in the New Company we had to finally admit that he has gone too far, and that he probably won't be turned into an ally against evil.  His wife, the former GPD operative "Natasha" has been trying to get us to accept him for what he is and to not vilify him, and for the most part we have respected her wishes out of respect for the great work she did for us as our operative, even though she was responsible for much of the chaos around her husband.  Anyway, today we received a letter from "Edgar" and we thought we should share it here:

Benevolent Members of the Board of Dictators:

It has come to my attention that you are displeased with my decision to abandon my patented churros and re-enter the evil office products business, to which I can only answer that I am sorry that you are disappointed with me.  I tried to join you, but you would not have me.  For love of my wife I abandoned my addiction to brads and hole punches and evil stickers and tried to make it as a strait-laced do-gooder, but that is simply not me.  I happily worked to thwart the evil that the New Company was pushing on the world, and I even started a blog to show you that I could do as much good in the world as you could, but none of it was good enough for you, and so I have decided that, in order to rule the world properly, I will have to choose different allies.

Please do not assume that because I am heading up an organization dedicated to the dissemination of evil office products that I am evil--that is an unjustified leap of logic.   While I may be now a purveyor of evil, it is simply the next logical step in world domination, and I have lost quite a bit of time thanks to the meddling of your operatives, including the one who became my beloved wife.  If it weren't for her, I wouldn't even be sending you this letter of explanation.  She insists that I treat you civilly.  I don't want to air my dirty laundry, but I will say that my return to the New Company did put our relationship on rocky ground, but I think I have convinced "Natasha" that Rule By Edgar is more important than ridding the world of evil in the interim.

I am being nice to you, for now, out of respect for my wife.  I'll even give you a six week window in which to make me the leader of the world without any adverse consequences.  I'll even suspend brad production and hole punch distribution once I am in power, so I won't even be working at cross purposes with you.  It's in your best interest to surrender to me and give up your silly dreams for the New Future before you provoke me to anger.

With love,

Cornelius "Edgar" Quisling, CEO of the New Company

For those who might be wondering, we will not give in to "Edgar"'s demands, but if he wants us to we can help with his churro business.

The Cause

At the GNU Public Dictatorship we are nothing if not committed to vanquishing evil wherever we encounter it, which is why we have pushed so hard against the organizations that manufacture, distribute, repair, and otherwise handle hole punches and brads.  Some have recently criticized our decisions to not add "compatible toner" to the list of officially Evil office products, which is why we are taking some time to respond to their concerns.

First of all, there is no evidence we can uncover that shows that "compatible toner" employs any of the nefarious symbolism, subversive methods, or back-door techniques that are used for brads and hole punches.  What is more, there is no cult built up to the promotion or adoration of such cartridges, and the manufacturers themselves are not likely to sell to the same customer twice.  The lack of ulterior motives (beyond money) and addictive potential make it unlikely that children will be enslaved by the use of "compatible toner".

At the GPD we will work to eradicate all inferior products, but those that are simply inferior do not warrant the attention of our operatives.  We will, instead, simply make sure informational packets about "compatible toner" are available at all of our county offices.