Our new (former) editor

At the GNU Public Dictatorship we are nothing if not generous, which is why when we met an out-of-work editor early last week we decided to help.  She told us her name was Greta Jenkins, and that she had been an editor for an underground magazine called Subterranean for most of the last two decades, and since at the GNU Public Dictatorship we do not believe that people should receive assistance without donating their time and talents to the betterment of society, we promptly created the position of head editor for this forum.  All of the pieces we submitted to her were held in review until right before we wanted to publish them and then returned with comments like the following:

• Too much passive voice, make it sound more exciting!
• You use too many words the average world citizen may not understand, please simplify your vocabulary
• You ramble a lot, and never really get to the point.  Please be more concise

While anyone who works in the editing industry knows that these are valid concerns, we became suspicious when we resubmitted our work and didn't see it published the next day.  We asked Greta about it, and she immediately handed us back our new versions with more annotations like the following:

• This passage is too exciting, please make it more passive
• You are reusing the same words too often, please use some synonyms
• You are too concise here.  If you were to ramble a little, you would keep the readers' interest longer

Any astute reader will immediately recognize what was going on: Greta was an agent of the New Company sent to infiltrate us and keep us from spreading our message of freedom, equality, and independence from addiction to brads and other evil office products.  After we dug into her cover story a little more we realized why we hadn't caught her before.  Greta Jenkins had been an editor for Subterranean, but this was not Greta Jenkins.  It was her long-lost twin Gertrude Jenkins, who was kidnapped at the age of seven and apparently raised by the Brad Guys.  We spent the next week or so feeding her misinformation which she dutifully passed on to the New Company and then, when we called her in to talk to her and she thought she was going to be promoted we fired her and sent her to live in the GNU Public Dungeons for a while.

We are sorry that we haven't been posting a lot lately, but we are pleased to tell you that Gertrude gave us a lot of insight into the Brad Guys and the New Company.  This insight could be key to defeating our enemies once and for all!