A Conversation with a Cuttlefish

After Datasect posted his comments on this post we decided to talk to the cuttlefish he suspected may be behind the recent conflicts between our human and our other supporters.  Our investigation is by no means complete, but the following conversation with one representative of our cuttlefish supporters was very interesting, which is why we have reproduced it below.

Lest you think we are confused, we don't believe cuttlefish can talk.  We understand that they do not have vocal chords, and that the sounds they produce have never been deciphered as language.  In order to communicate with them we attached electrodes to various locations on their bodies and used an algorithm developed by Count Quisling to translate the signals into speech.  The algorithm is not perfect, but it is better than nothing.  Here is our conversation:

Tim: Hello, loyal cuttlefish.  Can you understand me?
Cuttlefish: Yes, Tim dictator. I understand very well.
Tim: Excellent.  Do you have a name?
Cuttlefish: Yes, some people tell me Crktdwk.
Tim: I will address you as Crktdwk, then.  Crktdwk, are you aware of the currently strained relations between human and non-human supporters of the GNU Public Dictatorship?
Crktdwk: I read a blog, and met with numerous dark brown, some people very angry supporters of the GNU General Public dictatorship.
Tim: I am sorry to hear about the dark brown.  Have you heard of any organized movements in your fellow cuttlefish or other species with which you may have interacted?
Crktdwk: I said, my brother Gtplnwk octopus, swimming pool, on the internet, and tried, but I is compacted of gross domestic product (GDP), an accident, to joint efforts.
Tim: I'm sorry, Crktdwk, I don't think I understood that.  Did the compacted gross domestic product of the swimming pool anger an octopus and lead to efforts to organize?
Crktdwk: My message was translated to the campaign, and I do not have an organized movement, literally. Contract mad cow big octopus and gross national product (GDP).
Tim: I understand that you are not affiliated with any organized movements.  Are you saying that the movement is trying to infect humans with mad cow disease via big octopi?  I guess they got angry about the economic crisis humans created?
Crktdwk: It is not impossible. I'm mad cow octopus, or refuses to call me again to talk about it. Seafood are you?
Tim: No, I am not seafood.  We will have our operatives investigate the viability of transmitting mad cow through octopi.  If they call you again to talk, let us know.  At the GNU Public Dictatorship we are nothing if not dedicated to making the world a better place for all of its inhabitants.
Crktdwk: Now you can be fishing? Personally I am tired of the dictatorship of the GNU discussion. I will not eat. Hey, now.
Tim: I think you are wise to not eat seafood.  We will be fishing for clues right away.  Hey, now!
Crktdwk: the.

As you can see, the translation is far from perfect, but at least we now have some leads to investigate.  Who would have thought the economic crisis brought on by humans would have angered the octopi enough to devise a method to use themselves to spread mad cow disease to unsuspecting humans.  Perhaps we should, in the short term, follow Crktdwk's advice, and not eat.  Caution may be the best choice, after all!