Monday, March 26, 2012

The Contradiction that is "Gertrude"

At the GNU Public Dictatorship we are nothing if not thorough, which is why we weren't able to release this information any sooner.  Our operatives confirmed to our satisfaction yesterday that "Gertrude" (the new CEO of the New Company) is, in fact, a woman.  Since the New Company was created it has tirelessly promoted brads and other office products, and, perhaps more interestingly, has created several shrines to brads.  They don't appear to have been able to organize anything as widespread as the Brad Guys, but they have created an atmosphere in which near-religious adoration of the evil office product is not simply tolerated but promoted.  They have not yet been able to get brad production back to their peak levels, but they are slowing the decline.  In short, they are a worthy opponent.  The Parent Corporation, on the other hand, appears to be stagnant, with  "Jack" showing a complete lack of direction.  Hole punch use is declining rapidly, and our operatives assure us that no new plans are afoot from either the Parent Corporation or the Unholy Brotherhood of the Hole Punch.

With this resurgence of the New Company it is, of course, incumbent upon us to prevent their success.  Our focus, therefore, has been in understanding our new enemy and the New Company's plans for the future.  In this process we have repeatedly come up against the apparent contradiction that a group dedicated to a misogynistic symbol would allow a woman to lead.  Now that we have shown that "Gertrude" is, in fact, a woman, we have to face this contradiction.  We cannot at this time fully reconcile the situation, but we do have a theory we are pursuing.  Perhaps misogyny is now considered passe, with a preference for a more Darwinist "survival of the fittest" philosophy.  If this is the case a strong woman is essentially the same as the old symbol for male dominance.  We can't say for sure right now, but we can say that we will let you know as soon as we have cracked the mystery that is "Gertrude".

1 comment:

Datasect said...

Perhaps this "Gertrude" is merely a complication upon the technology previously exhibited in the "Greban" panic? As the Parent Corporation and the New company split, perhaps the New Company perfected the human-avian technology, allowing them to live over extended periods of time, and, simultaneously, increasing the intelligence factor of your average grebe. Perhaps this "Gertrude" is a host possessed by a male, grebe mastermind? If nothing else, please look into this.