Decreased alert level: T55

The last few weeks have been eventful, but, thankfully, have also shown that the Parent Corporation is becoming less relevant all the time.  As a consequence of these new developments, our alert level is being lowered to T55 from its high of U32.  

Our operatives have been busy finding out all they can about what is going on in our enemies' organizations, and we can report that the Parent Corporation and the Unholy Brotherhood of the Hole Punch are so deeply embattled at the moment with internal strife that they are essentially no threat to the citizens of the world.  This may change at any moment, but for now they are not a serious concern.

Unfortunately, the New Company has been becoming more and more active in its attempts to destroy civilized society with its evil office products, so we'll call this a mixed blessing.  At least we know that, for now, we only have one real enemy to face.

Vindication (still no UFOs)

When we increased our alert level to R8 some called us paranoid, others suggested that we were overreacting. Few were the voices that let us know that they thought we were on the right track.  At the GNU Public Dictatorship, however, we are nothing if not determined to do what is right, which is why we increased our alert level.  For the last few weeks we have been silently evaluating the operations of the Parent Corporation, and in the last few days we have uncovered an evil conspiracy and prevented untold amounts of damage.

When the New Company split from the Parent Corporation many predicted that it would wither and die, but it seems that the "Crafties" are more involved in internal political strife than the "non-Crafties" who joined the New Company.  The Parent Corporation and the Unholy Brotherhood of the Hole Punch (a subsidiary of the Parent Corporation) have done almost nothing to further the dissemination of evil office products around the world.  In fact, they have spent (according to our operatives' best guesses) approximately 93.5% of their resources on internal power struggles and on purchasing as much Chef Craft equipment as possible.  While these pursuits are not beneficial to the world, they have significantly less impact on the innocent civilians and are thus less hateful than the activities they have pursued in the past.  In fact, due to this change in priorities, the per-capita consumption of hole punches world wide is at an all-time low.

While the Parent Corporation is embattled in internal strife and ignoring external goings-on, however, the New Company has apparently been honing its skills and focusing on an old-fashioned brad explosion.  Sales of brads are not declining nearly as much as they were six months ago, and we believe it is their fault.  Yesterday we acted decisively to disrupt a sleeper cell of "scrapbooking enthusiasts" who had amassed enough brads to corrupt every school child in the state of California.  While we can't guarantee that there are no other sleeper cells, the documents we recovered suggest that this cell has been the primary focus for the New Company for some time.  Our discovery and dismantling of their secret plans may have prevented millions of school children from becoming addicted to brads, and it appears to have set back their plans quite well.

While we are proud of our operatives and grateful that these brads were intercepted early, we are increasing our alert to U32 in consequence of this operation.  We believe the New Company may be attempting to deal us an immense blow, and we ask all of our supporters to be careful!