Some Clarifications

At the GNU Public Dictatorship we are nothing if not saddened by recent allegations that have been flying back and forth among world leaders, which is why we are taking this post to clarify some of the issues being misrepresented.  It seems to have begun with Hugo Chavez asserting that the US probably infects Latin American leaders with cancer, so we'll start there.

• The GPD did (accidentally) discover a way to infect people with cancer while studying methods to neutralize the part of the brain that becomes addicted to hole punches.  We made an announcement at the time, but we have not shared the particulars of that formula with any outside entity, and the scientist who worked on it hasn't been outside the lab in twelve years, so we couldn't possibly be behind Mr. Chavez's cancer.  We would never have unleashed such a dangerous thing on the world, and so if the United States government has found a way to infect people with cancer, they didn't get it from us, directly or indirectly.
• The recipe for exploding churros was not given to the Chilean newspaper by any of our operatives, although we cannot speak for the Allies.  They have been silent of late, and our efforts to confirm or deny their involvement in this incident have met with no success.  We can, however, state that we did not have anything to do with the churros, despite what people may be saying.
• The GNU Public Theme Park is not selling rides to private amusement parks without the designers' consent.  We don't know for sure how this rumor started, but we suspect the Unholy Brotherhood of the Hole Punch was involved.
• The GPD does not have a branch called the GNU Public Army.  We have not needed armed forces yet, and we hope to use much more subtle ways to take over the world.  If you meet someone claiming to be from the GNU Public Army and who claims to be a supporter of the GPD, please report them and your local GPD office so we can investigate their loyalties.  The GNU Public Army appears to have been started by the New Company, but the trail was fairly thin.  It may not be an official branch of the New Company, either, but it is clearly in communication with them.

We hope this clears a few things up.  We had hoped to introduce our new educational director today, but with all these allegations coming up we figured we had better delay his introduction to the world.  Keep your eyes open and be vigilant; together we will conquer our enemies!