More attacks

The recent recommendation from Symantec that users disable their pcAnywhere software is just one of many indications that the Parent Corporation is attempting to expand its influence, and, perhaps more importantly, is another example of why the open source model works best.  If Symantec had made their source available at the start, they would have found the vulnerabilities much sooner, which would make the recent attacks irrelevant.  At the GNU Public Dictatorship we are nothing if not dedicated to the open source model, which is why we continue to grow while other governments decline.  The spies of our enemies keep trying to find useful information on us, but all that they can find is already publicly available, so their efforts are for naught, since by the time they realize they have found something useful, many of our supporters have already found the same information and acted upon it.  We would like to thank all of our supporters for their help in keeping our enemies at bay.  Thanks!

Evidence of UFOs?

At the GNU Public Dictatorship we are nothing if not willing to do whatever it takes to get an audience, which is why we titled this post the way we did.  We actually don't have any direct evidence of unidentified flying objects, at least not the kind that are rumored to come from somewhere not on this planet.  Unless of course you count items that float through space.  I suppose they are flying in some sense of the word, and with the immensity of space it would be no leap of logic to surmise that there are items floating through the immensity of space that we haven't identified yet.  Anyway, most of the time the term UFO tends to imply something that is flying with a purpose--either because it is intelligent or because it is being flown by something intelligent, and we certainly don't have any evidence of those.  The real reason we titled this post with something as exciting as UFOs is that we wanted to attract a wider audience so they would read that we are increasing our alert level to R8, and that we expect the Parent Corporation or one of its subsidiaries to launch a large attack against all that is good in the very near future.  Our operatives are working to prevent this disastrous possibility, but we wanted to make sure people knew so that they would be on their guard.

Johann LeBeau

Many of our supporters have known the Hawaiian LeBeaus for years, and will undoubtedly at least know of Johann and his accomplishments.  Some of you, however, will probably never have had the opportunity to meet Johann, which is why we will post a bit of interesting information about him here.

Johann was born in Buenos Aires, Argentina, in 1947.  The Hawaiian LeBeaus moved from Buenos Aires to Honolulu, Hawaii, in 1948 when they discovered that former Nazis were setting up shop there.  Not wanting to associate with them, they moved their family to safer ground.  They set up shop in Hawaii, with Johann's father Mikhail becoming a respected cobbler within months of his arrival.  He was cited by the government multiple times for his excellent workmanship and designs, and became a respected pillar of the community.  The Hawaiian LeBeaus were all instrumental in pushing for Hawaiian statehood, and when they succeeded in August of 1959 they were very contented.

Most of Johann's early life was spent learning the family businesses: shoe-making and marksmanship.  He recounts of his early experiences, "nothing could have been so satisfying as relaxing with my rifle after helping my father sew the soles on a new pair of boots."  Johann and his father Mikhail were always vocal opponents of the introduction of non-traditional hole punches into shoe making, and stood by their awls without flinching.  As the fight for statehood intensified, most of Johann's spare time was spent in advancing the cause.  After they succeeded, he suddenly found himself with a good deal of spare time, which he filled by setting up a school system in a village near Honolulu.  He became very proficient at teaching, and was beloved by all of his students.  Over the course of his life he has founded at least twenty elementary schools, ten secondary schools, and six colleges.

Johann and his father discovered the GNU Public Dictatorship in 1996, when Tim visited several of Johann's institutions.  The LeBeaus were pleased with our anti-brad message, and quickly became invaluable allies in the fight against evil.  Johann has since pursued education in all its forms.  He has been on the committees to help with our curriculum and has been working tirelessly to educate the world about the dangers around us.  He is now being given oversight over the entire GNU Public Educational system, including the GNU Public University and all courses taught at local GPD offices.  While the standards of our educational system have always been high, we are pleased to welcome such a distinguished educator as our new Director of Education.

If you would like to contact Johann, talk to your local GPD officers.  They will provide you with the appropriate forms and answer any other questions you may have!

Some Clarifications

At the GNU Public Dictatorship we are nothing if not saddened by recent allegations that have been flying back and forth among world leaders, which is why we are taking this post to clarify some of the issues being misrepresented.  It seems to have begun with Hugo Chavez asserting that the US probably infects Latin American leaders with cancer, so we'll start there.

• The GPD did (accidentally) discover a way to infect people with cancer while studying methods to neutralize the part of the brain that becomes addicted to hole punches.  We made an announcement at the time, but we have not shared the particulars of that formula with any outside entity, and the scientist who worked on it hasn't been outside the lab in twelve years, so we couldn't possibly be behind Mr. Chavez's cancer.  We would never have unleashed such a dangerous thing on the world, and so if the United States government has found a way to infect people with cancer, they didn't get it from us, directly or indirectly.
• The recipe for exploding churros was not given to the Chilean newspaper by any of our operatives, although we cannot speak for the Allies.  They have been silent of late, and our efforts to confirm or deny their involvement in this incident have met with no success.  We can, however, state that we did not have anything to do with the churros, despite what people may be saying.
• The GNU Public Theme Park is not selling rides to private amusement parks without the designers' consent.  We don't know for sure how this rumor started, but we suspect the Unholy Brotherhood of the Hole Punch was involved.
• The GPD does not have a branch called the GNU Public Army.  We have not needed armed forces yet, and we hope to use much more subtle ways to take over the world.  If you meet someone claiming to be from the GNU Public Army and who claims to be a supporter of the GPD, please report them and your local GPD office so we can investigate their loyalties.  The GNU Public Army appears to have been started by the New Company, but the trail was fairly thin.  It may not be an official branch of the New Company, either, but it is clearly in communication with them.

We hope this clears a few things up.  We had hoped to introduce our new educational director today, but with all these allegations coming up we figured we had better delay his introduction to the world.  Keep your eyes open and be vigilant; together we will conquer our enemies!

Patience

At the GNU Public Dictatorship we are nothing if not concerned about you, which is why we offer free courses at most of our local GPD offices in topics that will help you, such as wilderness survival, nano-robotics, propaganda, and patience.  Unfortunately, we are going to have to ask our supporters to show some patience, as the standard course in patience has been overwhelmed and there is a waiting list in most areas that exceeds five weeks.  In order to address this wait, we are currently hiring more instructors.  If you or someone you know is qualified to teach GPD courses in patience, please report to your local GPD offices.

In other news, we have a new educational director, Johann LeBeau (of the Hawaiian LeBeaus).  We will be posting more about him in the next week, so please check back soon!