What we've been up to

At the GNU Public Dictatorship we are nothing if not saddened by recent events in Japan. We send our condolences to those who have lost homes or loved ones, and we pledge to stop such evils from being perpetrated on the world by agents of the Parent Corporation or its religious wing, the Unholy Brotherhood of the Hole Punch.

After the earthquake and tsunami last week we were convinced they were responsible, and since then we have been diligently searching our intelligence information to find out exactly how they did it. We believe we have deciphered the whys, but we are lacking still on the hows. We have found links, such as coded messages in internal Parent Corporation memos (don't ask us how we got our hands on them, we don't want to compromise our agents) implying that the attack on Japan was nearly underway. We have even found that the Salad People have been enlisted to transmit messages for their operatives, and have found several of these messages. Some of them are clearly red herrings, but we have found several that give all appearances of being genuine. According to them the Parent Corporation wanted to damage Japan's infrastructure to combat the growing threat to brads and hole punches posed by an increasingly technical society. They also wanted to get revenge on the nuclear engineers who refused a partnership recently. We know that the Parent Corporation has been involved in several disasters, including the gulf oil spill last year, but we are surprised that they seem to have acquired the ability to cause earthquakes. We will let you know when we know more about how they actually did it.