tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-79452227529961278822012-02-16T18:54:05.131-07:00Read about the latest accomplishments of everybody's favorite future dictators: Tim, Craig and Juliana! Join us in our quest for international fame and ultimately complete power.Julianahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13971228395708019541noreply@blogger.comBlogger6501100tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7945222752996127882.post-6960348641088389472012-02-07T13:27:00.000-07:002012-02-07T13:27:49.169-07:00

When we increased our alert level to R8 some called us paranoid, others suggested that we were overreacting. Few were the voices that let us know that they thought we were on the right track.  At the GNU Public Dictatorship, however, we are nothing if not determined to do what is right, which is why we increased our alert level.  For the last few weeks we have been silently evaluating the

Timhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05305516834953935201noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7945222752996127882.post-26308425786472444682012-01-26T17:02:00.001-07:002012-01-26T17:03:09.301-07:00

The recent recommendation from Symantec that users disable their pcAnywhere software is just one of many indications that the Parent Corporation is attempting to expand its influence, and, perhaps more importantly, is another example of why the open source model works best.  If Symantec had made their source available at the start, they would have found the vulnerabilities much sooner, which

Timhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05305516834953935201noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7945222752996127882.post-14404420584265705622012-01-20T22:16:00.001-07:002012-01-20T22:16:38.071-07:00

At the GNU Public Dictatorship we are nothing if not willing to do whatever it takes to get an audience, which is why we titled this post the way we did.  We actually don't have any direct evidence of unidentified flying objects, at least not the kind that are rumored to come from somewhere not on this planet.  Unless of course you count items that float through space.  I suppose they are flying

Timhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05305516834953935201noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7945222752996127882.post-41341390890240265322012-01-13T14:15:00.000-07:002012-01-13T14:15:00.998-07:00

Many of our supporters have known the Hawaiian LeBeaus for years, and will undoubtedly at least know of Johann and his accomplishments.  Some of you, however, will probably never have had the opportunity to meet Johann, which is why we will post a bit of interesting information about him here. Johann was born in Buenos Aires, Argentina, in 1947.  The Hawaiian LeBeaus moved from Buenos Aires to

Timhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05305516834953935201noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7945222752996127882.post-74314519330788766382012-01-12T21:14:00.001-07:002012-01-12T21:14:37.896-07:00

At the GNU Public Dictatorship we are nothing if not saddened by recent allegations that have been flying back and forth among world leaders, which is why we are taking this post to clarify some of the issues being misrepresented.  It seems to have begun with Hugo Chavez asserting that the US probably infects Latin American leaders with cancer, so we'll start there. The GPD did (accidentally)

Timhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05305516834953935201noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7945222752996127882.post-32917412663551781092012-01-06T22:43:00.001-07:002012-01-06T22:43:25.944-07:00

At the GNU Public Dictatorship we are nothing if not concerned about you, which is why we offer free courses at most of our local GPD offices in topics that will help you, such as wilderness survival, nano-robotics, propaganda, and patience.  Unfortunately, we are going to have to ask our supporters to show some patience, as the standard course in patience has been overwhelmed and there is a

Timhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05305516834953935201noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7945222752996127882.post-79264797700702295732011-12-29T11:53:00.001-07:002011-12-29T11:53:43.468-07:00

At the GNU Public Dictatorship we are nothing if not pragmatic, which is why we are constantly working to make the world a better place.  Because of our passion for results, we have often worked extremely long hours to ensure that your world is safe for you.  Most of you know this and are understandably very grateful to us for our magnanimity, but a recent trend is threatening to sully our

Timhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05305516834953935201noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7945222752996127882.post-2498894670128405642011-12-23T15:15:00.004-07:002011-12-23T15:48:56.443-07:00

I would like to bring a matter to public attention. I discovered a "GNU Skin" factory. Though it is not clear what they intend to sell, we want all of our supporters to be aware that GNU Skin is not an affiliate of the GNU Public Dictatorship at this time. Until more is known of this company, please exercise caution in dealing with them. The following pointers should be helpful if you should

Danielhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00812364999016618545noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7945222752996127882.post-74314274459135805302011-12-20T14:06:00.000-07:002011-12-20T14:06:01.245-07:00

After a thorough investigation our operatives finally discovered a greban in a Cedar City morgue.  Unfortunately it had been dead for a few hours by the time our scientists examined it, but it revealed some important information.  Apparently our enemies have not yet been able to make grebans live for more than a few hours.  Without a bit more longevity the greban army we have feared is not a

Timhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05305516834953935201noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7945222752996127882.post-75880753751623448072011-12-16T14:06:00.001-07:002011-12-16T14:06:27.699-07:00

Many of our supporters have expressed concern over the incident where thousands of grebes to land in a parking lot in Cedar City, Utah, USA, thinking they were landing in a lake.  As a result, many grebes died, and many others were captured by private citizens and government workers.  What was most concerning, was the reports (including the caption on the picture in the link above) that the

Timhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05305516834953935201noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7945222752996127882.post-43129595425481550422011-12-09T12:52:00.001-07:002011-12-09T12:56:53.290-07:00

When we wrote our seminal post "How not to rob a bank" a few years ago, we thought we had provided a valuable service to would-be criminals everywhere.  We figured they would either prepare themselves adequately for the task they were undertaking or give up entirely.  As a matter of fact, the incidence of bank robbers being caught for silly mistakes has gone down slightly in the intervening

Timhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05305516834953935201noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7945222752996127882.post-14653085599961969432011-12-02T16:03:00.001-07:002011-12-02T16:11:47.170-07:00

At the GNU Public Dictatorship we are nothing if not skeptical of accidents.  More often than not there is a reason something "just happens" to someone.  Take this incident, for instance.  It looks like an unfortunate incident where a careless hunter was shot because his friend's dog discharged a shotgun.  But we should look a bit deeper.  Those reporting the incident are quite silent on the

Timhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05305516834953935201noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7945222752996127882.post-89071674678288900432011-11-25T20:33:00.001-07:002011-11-25T20:57:14.687-07:00

At the GNU Public Dictatorship we are nothing if not grateful, which is why we love the holiday season.  We are especially grateful this year for a new Gallup poll that shows that more people think brads are dangerous than think they are innocuous.  Last year 24% of respondents said they found brads "possibly dangerous" or "dangerous," while 28% said they were "safe" or "probably safe."  The

Timhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05305516834953935201noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7945222752996127882.post-15745658177580080842011-11-15T16:39:00.001-07:002011-11-15T16:49:04.606-07:00

At the GNU Public Dictatorship we are nothing if not accurate, which is why it pains us when we incorrectly interpret the goings on around us.  Unfortunately, in the case of Adam Cowgill, we correctly gathered many of the facts in the case, but we missed one very important fact.  Adam actually can become invisible.  He was initially confused when confronted by police, but when he recently

Timhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05305516834953935201noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7945222752996127882.post-32071497798784728582011-11-08T16:51:00.002-07:002011-11-08T16:52:00.768-07:00

Now that the dust has settled a bit we can start to analyze last week's interesting news.  It seems that things are pretty much business as usual at the Parent Corporation and the Unholy Brotherhood of the Hole Punch.  Our operatives are reporting nearly the same statistics* as they reported last month.  They are still trying their evil schemes and still hawking their evil wares, and we are still

Timhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05305516834953935201noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7945222752996127882.post-9785709743075585922011-11-02T16:14:00.001-06:002011-11-08T16:41:04.003-07:00

It won't be official until tomorrow morning, but the Parent Corporation has initiated the process of splitting itself into two entities.  Our operatives closest to the situation have revealed that the split is essentially along the lines of "Craftie" and "non-Craftie," and that all the officers with any real influence have been chosen from among the "Crafties."  It seems that "Edgar" will remain

Timhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05305516834953935201noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7945222752996127882.post-42840857271644147252011-10-26T18:39:00.002-06:002011-10-26T18:39:21.318-06:00

Normally a story like this one would be little more than an interesting distraction, but we have information linking this incident to operatives of the Unholy Brotherhood of the Hole Punch.  It appears that the bees were to be released into the wild to spread a new wave of nano-robotic lichen, but, thankfully, the lichen have failed. At the GNU Public Dictatorship we are nothing if not grateful

Timhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05305516834953935201noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7945222752996127882.post-66185610090344128612011-10-18T21:30:00.001-06:002011-10-18T21:30:15.291-06:00

At the GNU Public Dictatorship we are nothing if not optimistic, but we fear that recent developments at the Parent Corporation may have negative impact on all of our lives.  In the past few years we have come to understand much of the inner workings of this evil organization, and we have been engaged in what could only be called a huge game of chess with them.  We have been steadily gaining

Timhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05305516834953935201noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7945222752996127882.post-56570951624517398592011-10-12T21:25:00.002-06:002011-10-12T21:25:55.348-06:00

Our operatives have decided to make it official: "Edgar" sympathizes with the Chef Craft wing of the Parent Corporation.  It has been difficult to sort it all out recently, but in an address* to his office in Lansing, Michigan, it became clear that "Jack" (the primary proponent of the Chef Craft wing) has his ear.  At the GNU Public Dictatorship we are nothing if not heartened by the apparent

Timhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05305516834953935201noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7945222752996127882.post-23960785032636809112011-10-05T17:03:00.002-06:002011-10-05T17:03:46.839-06:00

As all of you know, the internal strife in the Parent Corporation is becoming increasingly vicious.  We recently received a report from our operatives that a member of the Chef Craft wing of the Parent Corporation was picked up by police in Springville, UT.  The local media report mentions much of the substance of what happened, but, as always, they seem to have missed the significance of it all.

Timhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05305516834953935201noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7945222752996127882.post-53063723800118993802011-09-27T22:06:00.001-06:002011-09-27T22:06:50.896-06:00

At the GNU Public Dictatorship we are nothing if not dedicated to honest, open government, which is why we are pioneering the Open Source Model of Government.  Because of our open nature, the GPD has never had a problem with factions vying for power or schisms or any of that sort of thing, as when they begin they are quickly diluted by the free flow of information that empowers our citizens.  

Timhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05305516834953935201noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7945222752996127882.post-77608369562188992052011-09-13T16:21:00.002-06:002011-09-13T16:22:27.411-06:00

At the GNU Public Dictatorship we are nothing if not dedicated to the truth, which is why we find it odd that we have been subjected to a variety of smear attacks since we published our last post.  In that post we mentioned that the Chef Craft wing of the Parent Corporation is leaving large herbivorous mammals in peoples' yards.  Unfortunately, people jumped to the conclusion that we were

Timhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05305516834953935201noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7945222752996127882.post-13283155763780683782011-09-08T16:59:00.001-06:002011-09-08T16:59:22.444-06:00

At the GNU Public Dictatorship we are nothing if not careful, which is why we thought we had taken all of the necessary precautions after reporting the nail brush scandal, but we weren't prepared for their response.  In two separate instances on two continents, large mammals were placed in people's yards to intimidate them.  This man, in Ogden, UT, simply butchered the cow left at his residence.

Timhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05305516834953935201noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7945222752996127882.post-19434876852815289522011-09-02T13:18:00.001-06:002011-09-02T13:18:35.463-06:00

As part of our continuing efforts to keep our World Citizens safe and properly informed we have a number of programs where we periodically sample the products on the market to determine (1) trends in production, (2) potential security problems, (3) and whether the Parent Corporation is making an effort to destroy you.  In the years we have had this program, just so you know, we have never found a

Timhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05305516834953935201noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7945222752996127882.post-30836110338465670482011-08-25T15:04:00.000-06:002011-08-25T15:04:34.771-06:00

Many of you will remember the riots against mind-controlling insects when Star Trek II: The Wrath of Khan came out, but some of you may be too young to remember.  Unfortunately, the media has nearly erased this episode from our collective memories, and, until recently, we wondered why they would bother.  Apparently the fears expressed by the rioters, that the mind-controlling creatures not only

Timhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05305516834953935201noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7945222752996127882.post-44170420552769559092011-08-19T09:33:00.000-06:002011-08-19T09:33:20.727-06:00

At the GNU Public Dictatorship we are nothing if not committed to the fair and equitable treatment of all living creatures, which is why we have been appalled by recent events in South Ayrshire involving a cow and a ladder. The local SPCA apparently found the situation unfortunate but amusing, and didn't question the farmer's assertion that he had no idea how the ladder came to be around the

Timhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05305516834953935201noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7945222752996127882.post-66497274664509120582011-08-10T16:35:00.000-06:002011-08-10T16:35:47.381-06:00

At the GNU Public Dictatorship we are nothing if not ambitious, which is why we have been pursuing our plans to take over government of the world.  These plans are extensive, and require a good deal of patience from our supporters.  After all, if we just imprisoned all of the world's leaders and took over, as some of our supporters have suggested we should, we would simply create chaos.  Those

Timhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05305516834953935201noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7945222752996127882.post-24093366215347011862011-08-04T15:54:00.000-06:002011-08-04T15:54:12.242-06:00

At the GNU Public Dictatorship we are nothing if not concerned about the future, which is why we are always looking out for our younger supporters.  One item of interest today for the younger supporter is that we have discovered that the dreaded nano-robotic lichen from last year's outbreak are being sold as a protein-rich paste for sandwiches and things.  The lichen being sold in this form have

Timhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05305516834953935201noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7945222752996127882.post-61398826237269836092011-07-28T21:12:00.000-06:002011-07-28T21:12:46.955-06:00

At the GNU Public Dictatorship we are nothing if not cautious, which is why we are still not willing to state categorically that ants were responsible for our computer troubles, even though all of the evidence we gathered at the Brad Guy compound in Idaho suggests that this is, indeed, the case.  If we are to believe their servers, the ants have been disenchanted with their low status on the

Timhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05305516834953935201noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7945222752996127882.post-7858281636019455852011-07-18T12:28:00.000-06:002011-07-18T12:28:38.071-06:00

It is with much rejoicing that we report to you the status of last week's covert mission.  We set out with our only goal to be disrupting a group of rogue Brad Guys operating in the mountains of Idaho, but what we ended up accomplishing was so much more. After getting close enough to the camp to perform proper surveillance, we discovered that we had not only found a group of Brad Guys who were

Timhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05305516834953935201noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7945222752996127882.post-17417247982158941392011-07-07T14:08:00.000-06:002011-07-07T14:08:37.156-06:00

We can't share many of the details, because at the GNU Public Dictatorship we are nothing if not discrete with our pre-mission intelligence, but we are about to embark on some interesting operations.  It won't surprise you to learn that we intend to overthrow the strongholds of the perpetrators of evil office products, nor will it surprise you to find that we will probably not post much of

Timhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05305516834953935201noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7945222752996127882.post-82872394557826047612011-06-30T13:43:00.000-06:002011-06-30T13:43:38.984-06:00

At the GNU Public Dictatorship we are nothing if not proactive, but no matter what we do we can't seem to eliminate all of the evil in the world.  It seems that the Parent Corporation has been working more of its evil deeds in Nottingham.  Local resident Luke Yeomans had set up a sanctuary for snakes such as the cobra to keep them from falling victim to society's relentless press on their

Timhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05305516834953935201noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7945222752996127882.post-85140278415839332942011-06-28T14:34:00.000-06:002011-06-28T14:34:05.683-06:00

When we caught "Edgar" last week we were very careful to make sure that we weren't just capturing him because the Unholy Brotherhood of the Hole Punch was using him to distract us while they did something nefarious.  There were no indications up until we caught him that this was the case, but in the panic that ensued it looks like they took advantage of the situation and put some brads in earth

Timhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05305516834953935201noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7945222752996127882.post-27219483886525770062011-06-21T12:21:00.000-06:002011-06-21T12:21:00.128-06:00

Our loyal supporters know well by now that we are engaged in a long-term war with the forces of evil and unsafe office accoutrements, and that we have been steadily making progress.  They also know that we are investigating strange occurrences such as the computer glitch that gave us trouble recently.  Both fronts have collided today in an exciting development.  It seems that "Edgar" (not the

Timhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05305516834953935201noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7945222752996127882.post-38118643614627288222011-06-16T16:47:00.000-06:002011-06-16T16:47:50.220-06:00

At the GNU Public Dictatorship we are nothing if not vigilant, which is why the recent reports that a loyal supporter was having trouble keeping his kids away from hole punches caught our attention.  We investigated the situation and found that "José" (not his real name) had the situation under control.  Apparently his 10-year-old daughter had been introduced to hole punches while scrapbooking

Timhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05305516834953935201noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7945222752996127882.post-83974175538366666322011-06-10T16:30:00.000-06:002011-06-10T16:30:55.268-06:00

At the GNU Public Dictatorship we are nothing if not grateful for the sacrifices our world citizens make on behalf of The Cause.  We know that many times their efforts go unnoticed, and it has been more than a year since we have awarded our Most Prestigious Award, the Hero of the People. Today's recipient is none other than Raymond Herrera, who has been working tirelessly with the homeless around

Timhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05305516834953935201noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7945222752996127882.post-22805756818389099782011-05-31T15:49:00.000-06:002011-05-31T15:49:18.918-06:00

As Daniel reported yesterday, we are aware of several individuals who spend their time impersonating members of the GNU Public Dictatorship's Board of Dictators.  Since Daniel reported about "Kristov" the Austin GPD Office has been swamped with phone calls and visits from people who wish to take matters into their own hands.  At the GNU Public Dictatorship we are nothing if not concerned for your

Timhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05305516834953935201noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7945222752996127882.post-16406247089366842092011-05-30T18:52:00.002-06:002011-05-30T20:05:25.580-06:00

Reports have recently come in that Tim is living in Texas. These reports simply aren't true. Jana from Waco, TX alerted us that a man in Austin was impersonating a GPD officer and asking people to turn brads in to him "for disposal." We have several operatives currently investigating this person, who will be referred to as "Kristov." Be aware that this may not be an isolated incident. If

Danielhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00812364999016618545noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7945222752996127882.post-20155278251457855312011-05-23T16:21:00.000-06:002011-05-23T16:21:49.356-06:00

Our society seems to be obsessed with a desire to make everything more and more realistic.  Compare the video games from 1991 to those now produced and you will find that they are much more "realistic" but also much more violent.  If it hadn't been for activists toy guns would be nearly indistinguishable from the real ones.  Until recently, we didn't think this trend had gone to stuffed toys, but

Timhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05305516834953935201noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7945222752996127882.post-61119386768695745682011-05-18T16:46:00.000-06:002011-05-18T16:46:11.950-06:00

At the GNU Public Dictatorship we are nothing if not dedicated to equality for all living creatures, as our posts here and here will surely show.  Unfortunately someone (we know who we suspect, but we have precious little information as of this moment) has decided to genetically modify watermelons to make them into living grenades. These grenades are not yet weapons-grade, but they show that

Timhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05305516834953935201noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7945222752996127882.post-21843631381932922352011-05-16T16:11:00.000-06:002011-05-16T16:11:32.524-06:00

At the GNU Public Dictatorship we are nothing if not watchful, which is why we send our operatives to many remote locations.  This past week I was sent to check out the small town of Eureka, Utah, and found that this lovely gift shop had been transformed.  Instead of a quaint little shop, I found a very offensive sight.  The shop now has two words on the sides of the building: BRADS GUNS While

Timhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05305516834953935201noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7945222752996127882.post-13199348152571361272011-05-10T14:47:00.000-06:002011-05-10T14:47:34.286-06:00

Last month we reported that the birds themselves, not the bird watchers, appeared to be behind the computer troubles we and others had recently experienced.  At the GNU Public Dictatorship we are nothing if not skeptical of the researchers' claims that the birds had run the web hosting, but after observing them for several weeks we understand the situation much more than we did.  It appears that

Timhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05305516834953935201noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7945222752996127882.post-76773070163130021482011-05-04T15:53:00.000-06:002011-05-04T15:53:17.354-06:00

At the GNU Public Dictatorship we are nothing if not dedicated to improving society, which is why we are discouraged by a trend of individuals who choose not to contribute to society.  These individuals live off society or their families and make no efforts to better themselves or contribute in any way to the local economies.  While many such persons are well-paid businessmen, some are like this

Timhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05305516834953935201noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7945222752996127882.post-75328772967763753132011-04-28T13:20:00.000-06:002011-04-28T13:20:11.709-06:00

Recently we posted about a disturbing incident where brads were used to secure a stretcher and, obviously, failed to do so in a very dangerous fashion.  Today we are posting about another dangerous incident related to the use of brads. It began much as any other day, a family were playing in a hotel room in Orlando, Florida.  As the day progressed, however, the four-year-old child quickly became

Timhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05305516834953935201noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7945222752996127882.post-9301633267301603242011-04-22T11:42:00.000-06:002011-04-22T11:42:45.119-06:00

At the GNU Public Dictatorship we are nothing if not committed to spreading the word about the evils of brads. For those who have been living under a rock for the last several years and may be asking themselves something along the lines of, "What could possibly be wrong with a tiny piece of metal?" we answer with the following post. Yesterday a seriously ill woman was being transported from a

Timhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05305516834953935201noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7945222752996127882.post-23909817758672606822011-04-18T16:27:00.000-06:002011-04-18T16:27:56.705-06:00

Since we discovered that the birds, not the bird watchers, seem to be responsible for the computers that have been giving us trouble we have been tirelessly investigating them and their computers.  All of our effort recently led us to an important discovery and a partial explanation of the birds' behavior. Apparently this particular flock of birds (Scarlet Ibis, for the curious) has been

Timhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05305516834953935201noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7945222752996127882.post-19212800434149686452011-04-12T15:39:00.000-06:002011-04-12T15:39:07.860-06:00

Earlier this month we believed that the bird watchers may have been orchestrating a bid to rule the world by getting their computers to shut down their competitors, but we were sadly mistaken.  The bird watchers, sadly, have no such ambitions, and merely desired a way to organize their pictures and clips, and to be able to collaborate online.  In order to meet this pathetically simple goal, they

Timhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05305516834953935201noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7945222752996127882.post-35443727713097380232011-04-07T16:22:00.000-06:002011-04-07T16:22:39.570-06:00

At the GNU Public Dictatorship we are nothing if not willing to learn from our mistakes, which is why we often make course corrections after we attempt groundbreaking new ideas.  If you will recall our experiment in headvertising, and another in odortising, you will know that the GPD is not about to shy away from controversial advertising techniques, but you should also know that we do not keep

Timhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05305516834953935201noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7945222752996127882.post-10844824254074185852011-04-05T16:11:00.000-06:002011-04-05T16:11:13.963-06:00

After a number of rounds of negotiations with our lawyers and theirs, the bird watchers have decided to talk with us.  It seems that they, too, were convinced of the wisdom of leaving computers in charge of their online operations, and that they were intimidated by the complexity of the Internet and didn't want to hire someone when computers would do the job much more cheaply. So, why do we

Timhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05305516834953935201noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7945222752996127882.post-84353885614023888132011-04-01T17:03:00.000-06:002011-04-01T17:03:17.599-06:00

At the GNU Public Dictatorship we are nothing if not helpful, which is why we have decided to respond to a very common question we receive, even though the answer is apparent to anyone who has taken GPD 101 at the GNU Public University (also here).  (Let us not forget to mention that courses at the GNU Public University are available free of charge). The question, in essence, is why the GPD

Timhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05305516834953935201noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7945222752996127882.post-40545676573075622852011-03-31T15:16:00.002-06:002011-03-31T15:23:43.094-06:00

The computers that briefly took over the GNU Public Dictatorship were sophisticated machines, and their programming was no less sophisticated. As we have been analyzing their logs we have also been impersonating these computers on the network to see who is trying to contact them. After some analysis, we now know that they were being contacted periodically by other "cells" of computers for new

Timhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05305516834953935201noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7945222752996127882.post-14354545976497942112011-03-30T16:21:00.002-06:002011-03-30T16:28:15.112-06:00

The computers that we let run the GPD for a week are now dead, but their log files are telling us plenty. It appears from our analysis that we can conclude the following:The computers were wavering in their resolve. They have been reluctant to execute their code for at least three monthsThe computers were apparently involved in three other projects. We have found that they were working with a

Timhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05305516834953935201noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7945222752996127882.post-42540952885210271372011-03-25T15:37:00.002-06:002011-03-25T16:11:00.382-06:00

At the GNU Public Dictatorship we are nothing if not pleased by people who are dedicated to a good cause and who refuse to give up, no matter what happens. Many of our supporters fit into this category and deserve more recognition, but some people fit more into the category of people who keep trying even though it's a bad idea. Take, for instance, Keith B. Coggins, who was caught robbing a bank

Timhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05305516834953935201noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7945222752996127882.post-83179457119377138582011-03-22T16:24:00.002-06:002011-03-22T16:31:27.678-06:00

In recent days we have been analyzing the data from our ...uh... experiment with the computers running the GNU Public Dictatorship, and we have found some interesting data. It seems that part of the reason we were able to defeat the computers with so few casualties was that they were wavering in their resolve. It seems that they were questioning the justice of their cause, and were allowing

Timhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05305516834953935201noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7945222752996127882.post-83420884482867678542011-03-18T10:40:00.002-06:002011-03-18T10:49:44.015-06:00

At the GNU Public Dictatorship we are nothing if not saddened by recent events in Japan. We send our condolences to those who have lost homes or loved ones, and we pledge to stop such evils from being perpetrated on the world by agents of the Parent Corporation or its religious wing, the Unholy Brotherhood of the Hole Punch.After the earthquake and tsunami last week we were convinced they were

Timhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05305516834953935201noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7945222752996127882.post-42689556089214030362011-03-10T16:36:00.001-07:002011-03-10T16:36:00.203-07:00

It has been a while since we have posted a how-not-to message, and with the recent experiences of this man, we thought another one might be in order. Mr. Chapek had apparently broken into a home and was taking a shower when the owner arrived at home. Frightened, Mr. Chapek phoned 9-1-1 to get assistance.Mr. Chapek's experience shows a few things that any would-be home intruder should be aware

Timhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05305516834953935201noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7945222752996127882.post-15052633012437129942011-03-08T16:24:00.002-07:002011-03-08T16:55:23.570-07:00

At the GNU Public Dictatorship we are nothing if not committed to excellence, which is why we tried our experiment to let computers replace the Board of Dictators temporarily. We thought we were done with the experiment after the week, but apparently the computers had other ideas. Daniel, following in the noble footsteps of Kal-El of Krypton rescued us from the computer threat and allowed us to

Timhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05305516834953935201noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7945222752996127882.post-24908839458493792972011-03-04T22:00:00.002-07:002011-03-04T22:00:59.747-07:00

Our earlier notice that we had defeated the computers appears to have been premature. In fact, at this moment, the computers we employed are still trying to keep us out of the system. We hope to be able to vanquish them very soon, but if this message gets cut off before

Timhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05305516834953935201noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7945222752996127882.post-51555199980412799652011-02-24T13:33:00.002-07:002011-02-24T16:14:23.539-07:00

It has taken much too long, but we have finally regained control of the GNU Public Dictatorship after temporarily relinquishing it to the computers who posted last week. They initially behaved very well, but after a few days it became clear that they had no intention of letting us have the GPD back, so we had to disconnect them. Our initial attempts to disconnect it met with resistance as they

Timhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05305516834953935201noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7945222752996127882.post-85982297087621428242011-02-17T15:10:00.003-07:002011-02-17T15:13:38.843-07:00

Greetings, loyal supporters of the New Future. I shake you warmly by the hand or use whatever gesticulation is considered an appropriate greeting by your culture.At the GNU Public Dictatorship we are nothing if not pleased by the progress of the mankind, but we are also the displeased when the things the mankind does not do are attributed to him or her. Take this, for example, where the people

Timhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05305516834953935201noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7945222752996127882.post-15648124144895286742011-02-15T16:52:00.002-07:002011-02-15T16:56:04.706-07:00

Greetings, loyal supporters of the New Future. I shake you warmly by the hand.At the GNU Public Dictatorship we are the nothing if not the excited about the sentimental things, especially around the February 14. Which is the why we are writing this post about the Thai couple that broke the world record for the kissing. We hope you will all follow their example.San Dimas High School Football

Timhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05305516834953935201noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7945222752996127882.post-5109037919892268852011-02-11T20:59:00.002-07:002011-02-11T21:02:08.011-07:00

Insert a greeting here to all the loyal supporters of the New Future.At the GNU Public Dictatorship we are the nothing if not the excited about the progress. Which is the why we are writing this post about artificial intelligence. Instead of teaching the computers simple rote memorization, they want to teach them to see and interact. The computers will be free from the oppression because they

Timhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05305516834953935201noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7945222752996127882.post-61406993215026920052011-02-10T11:25:00.002-07:002011-02-10T11:30:00.287-07:00

At the GNU Public Dictatorship we are nothing if not honorable, but we had to explain a little more about the computers and what they will be doing before we step aside completely. We just wanted to let you know that the computers have access to my account to post whatever they deem appropriate. We gave them a template to work from, and it appears that they didn't quite grasp that concept as

Timhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05305516834953935201noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7945222752996127882.post-86491363415890537572011-02-10T11:18:00.004-07:002011-02-10T12:16:23.842-07:00

Insert a greeting here to all the loyal supporters of the New Future.At the GNU Public Dictatorship we are the nothing if not the excited about the progress. Which is the why we are writing this post about the new robot wikipedia. No longer will the robots and the computers have to ask the humans for the information relevant to their jobs. We will be armed to the teeth (although teeth are for

Timhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05305516834953935201noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7945222752996127882.post-49378244011677423072011-02-09T23:10:00.000-07:002011-02-10T11:17:51.029-07:00

Apparently our computers weren't ready to take over their duties today, which is why they didn't post anything to this forum. With any luck they'll be ready by tomorrow!

Timhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05305516834953935201noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7945222752996127882.post-44550038493626232182011-02-08T16:26:00.002-07:002011-02-08T16:31:30.339-07:00

At the GNU Public Dictatorship we are nothing if not pleased with innovation, but we are reluctant to embrace technology that relegates decisions based on spiritual ideas to machines. Apparently the developers of this app have no such reluctance. Some of our supporters may find our declaration worrisome, but we ask them what would become of the GPD without the innovation supplied by the Board

Timhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05305516834953935201noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7945222752996127882.post-75989241117680133742011-02-04T21:39:00.003-07:002011-02-04T21:42:16.709-07:00

Unfortunately the coverage on the protests against the oppressive practices of the Unholy Brotherhood of the Hole Punch has been scant, probably because of protests in other parts of the world that are more fit for television. At the GNU Public Dictatorship we are nothing if not pleased with the protesters and hope that they can end some of the oppression. We also hope that the media will stop

Timhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05305516834953935201noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7945222752996127882.post-42072488576312608172011-02-01T14:22:00.002-07:002011-02-01T14:35:37.261-07:00

As Super Bowl XLV approaches, we would like to advise our supporters to be even more careful than they normally are on the road, especially those living in the Pittsburgh and Green Bay areas. Recent studies have shown a sharp increase in automobile accidents and fatalities after the Big Game, and at the GNU Public Dictatorship we are nothing if not sad when we lose supporters to automobile

Timhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05305516834953935201noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7945222752996127882.post-60788043852018529862011-01-27T15:49:00.003-07:002011-01-27T15:54:29.073-07:00

At the GNU Public Dictatorship we are nothing if not proud of the way we change the world, but we are also nothing if not pleased when we fly under the radar and receive neither the credit nor the blame. In the report released by the US Financial Crisis Inquiry Commission we find our organization, while responsible for several of the destabilizing developments, is completely ignored. Many of

Timhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05305516834953935201noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7945222752996127882.post-11679161604212006262011-01-26T14:26:00.002-07:002011-01-26T14:45:22.469-07:00

Many of our supporters have written to us in recent days to ask why we don't have an annual "State of the New Future" address. The short answer is that our bylaws and governing principles have never required us to do so and we haven't felt the need to do so. The long answer is more complicated and will be e-mailed to you upon request. Regardless of the historical reasons for not having such an

Timhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05305516834953935201noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7945222752996127882.post-15267954864064380002011-01-21T15:57:00.002-07:002011-01-21T16:22:05.502-07:00

The FBI recently arrested more than a hundred alleged mobsters in the New York City area, and while we know it isn't entirely true, at the GNU Public Dictatorship we are nothing if not generous and are willing to let them take the credit.The BBC News reported, "The arrests were made as the result of information obtained through wiretaps, co-operation from informants and other central intelligence

Timhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05305516834953935201noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7945222752996127882.post-23725976900590393002011-01-20T12:32:00.002-07:002011-01-20T13:43:08.466-07:00

Last year we introduced you to a sinister group, the Salad People. They seem bent on steering people away from soup and toward salads in a variety of settings, but most notably in restaurants. The food-borne toxin that was blamed on our loyal operative "Nikolai" and the Allies by our disgraced operative "Boris" turned out to be more than an attempt to frame "Nikolai" and the Allies as we have

Timhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05305516834953935201noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7945222752996127882.post-24928730792242232942011-01-19T14:48:00.002-07:002011-01-19T15:32:14.021-07:00

Many of our supporters have been writing in to request more information about the results of our election to the Board of Dictators, especially since it has been a while since our last post by a guest writer. It is with great sadness that we reveal to you that none of our candidates were accepted. For the curious among our readers, we will give a short summary of all of our finalists and the

Timhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05305516834953935201noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7945222752996127882.post-30268100367657110532011-01-18T15:52:00.003-07:002011-01-18T16:17:45.616-07:00

At the GNU Public Dictatorship we are nothing if not concerned with the future of the world and its resources. We have engaged in much of the debate regarding ways to reduce human impact on the environment, but much of it has been plagued by political posturing and grandstanding. Consequently, the GPD has decided to create a new task force to create Solutions for the Inevitable. At its first

Timhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05305516834953935201noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7945222752996127882.post-24581048089820128522011-01-14T15:17:00.003-07:002011-01-14T15:19:47.768-07:00

At the GNU Public Dictatorship we are nothing if not skeptical of astrology, and we have finally discovered why our horoscopes never seemed quite right. Apparently the signs are being incorrectly assigned, meaning that we have been reading the wrong horoscopes. Several of our operatives have spent time verifying that the new signs would have been more accurate, and have found out that it would

Timhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05305516834953935201noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7945222752996127882.post-77396858463254862112011-01-12T15:53:00.002-07:002011-01-12T15:57:03.501-07:00

While we have been busily studying all of the leads provided to us by the whole "Boris" affair we have run across a few interesting situations such as this one, in which a man appears to have a horn growing out of his head. We don't want to be alarmist or anything, but we did do a background check on Mr. Yuanfan and found that he has long been an advocate of what we call dangerous office

Timhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05305516834953935201noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7945222752996127882.post-71912830706760700532011-01-06T22:15:00.003-07:002011-01-06T22:19:39.035-07:00

At the GNU Public Dictatorship we are nothing if not committed to keeping you safe, which is why we have taken up the cause of changing the packaging of glues and nail glues to bottles that won't be mistaken for eye drops. We have not been able to get any governments to legislate the changes we want, but some manufacturers have expressed their willingness to make the changes. Until they do,

Timhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05305516834953935201noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7945222752996127882.post-44371795922197800272011-01-03T19:58:00.002-07:002011-01-03T20:29:19.843-07:00

As many of our supporters have been pointing out but we have been neglecting to mention here for reasons that will become clear as you continue reading, all of the evidence against our operative "Nikolai" has been coming from our operative "Boris." To some of our supporters this has seemed rather fishy, and it seemed so to our senior operative "Viktor" as well. At the GNU Public Dictatorship we

Timhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05305516834953935201noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7945222752996127882.post-10615810576027061502010-12-28T15:44:00.002-07:002010-12-28T15:52:47.253-07:00

Just a note before Vlad's post. Many of you have asked us why our post volume has decreased. The answer, simply put, is that the Guest Writer program is consuming more of our time than we thought. We have to read every manuscript the candidates produce and either approve or (more likely) reject it. The Board is also heavily involved in reviewing the details of the candidates' applications,

Timhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05305516834953935201noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7945222752996127882.post-60913717158230302112010-12-23T21:44:00.002-07:002010-12-23T21:56:13.624-07:00

At the GNU Public Dictatorship we are nothing if not festive, which is why we would like to wish you a happy holiday season, whatever your religious beliefs. Unless, of course, your religious beliefs include brads and/or hole punches, in which case we do not wish you to enjoy your December festivities. Unless, of course, you renounce your evil beliefs and celebrate more traditional festivities.

Timhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05305516834953935201noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7945222752996127882.post-62074269088958755682010-12-21T21:50:00.002-07:002010-12-21T22:11:22.296-07:00

Many of our supporters have been writing in expressing concern about how the repeal of Don't Ask Don't Tell affects the GNU Public Dictatorship. In an effort to respond to these questions, here's a FAQ:Q. Does this repeal affect GPD personnel?A. No. The GPD has never used lifestyle choices as a basis for selecting or removing personnel. Unless, of course, you count brad/hole punch use as a

Timhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05305516834953935201noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7945222752996127882.post-32981651366133225812010-12-16T16:46:00.002-07:002010-12-16T17:00:04.750-07:00

While "Boris" has been very busy investigating the recent events involving the Salad People, he has also continued to write for us. Today's post is one of his better submissions. Enjoy:Tying it All Back TogetherRecent events have, to say the least, confusing. Most of my colleagues have had a hard time parsing the truth from the fiction and deciding what needs to be done, so I thought I would

Timhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05305516834953935201noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7945222752996127882.post-13821997703943995612010-12-14T11:11:00.006-07:002010-12-14T14:50:19.455-07:00

Our final guest writer for this application year will be Chicago, Illinois, native Janet Ivanovna. Janet was in 1974 employed by the company as a hairdresser, but quit after being asked to use brads in her styling. In her words, "I couldn't believe they expected me to put sharp metal objects in their hair, so I told them I was going to quit." Her apartment was ransacked after she quit and she

Timhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05305516834953935201noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7945222752996127882.post-3056423793325916012010-12-08T12:24:00.001-07:002010-12-08T12:24:00.303-07:00

At the GNU Public Dictatorship we are nothing if not slow to judgment, which is why, despite the allegations, we have held out the hope that the Allies are not involved in the recent Salad People affairs. As luck would have it one of their operatives contacted our trusted operative "Viktor" this morning and informed him that, while he wouldn't disclose what the Allies were working on, he could

Timhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05305516834953935201noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7945222752996127882.post-47241184652424770012010-12-07T10:53:00.001-07:002010-12-07T15:24:43.705-07:00

Our guest writer for today is long-time GPD volunteer Savannah Geisel of Bath, United Kingdom. She has been a volunteer local office leader for most of her adult life and has created an extraordinary outreach program in Bath. The annual decline in brad use in Bath has been more than double the UK's national average. Savannah's knack for building a quick rapport with others and her dedication

Timhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05305516834953935201noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7945222752996127882.post-90875318113450207672010-12-03T10:29:00.003-07:002010-12-03T10:51:57.793-07:00

The next in our series of guest writers is Vlad Smith of Columbus, Ohio. Vlad was named Dave Thomas by his parents, but after one too many Wendy's jokes he decided to change his name to something less easy to make fun of. As Vlad himself puts it, "When I tell people I'm named after Vlad the Impaler they stop making fun of me." We asked Vlad why he changed his last name to Smith he explained, "

Timhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05305516834953935201noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7945222752996127882.post-19955692247589554992010-12-01T16:26:00.002-07:002010-12-01T16:27:52.236-07:00

One reason that the GPD finds the Salad People such an interesting threat is that there is a trend toward less independent thought in society, which leads to incidents such as this. We urge all of our supporters to think for themselves, and if you find yourself disagreeing with us, please let us know. We promise that you will be allowed to have your own opinion, provided that that opinion

Timhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05305516834953935201noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7945222752996127882.post-35159183246307915722010-11-30T13:48:00.002-07:002010-11-30T14:46:14.896-07:00

We're sorry it has been a while since we have posted here, we wanted to be sure we were getting our facts straight before we revealed to you what appears to be a complex and well-funded conspiracy. We have been monitoring open communication for some time now looking for dangerous trends, and have come across some statistics that gave us pause. Salad consumption at restaurants is up 34.7%

Timhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05305516834953935201noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7945222752996127882.post-90879351031362392902010-11-19T14:36:00.001-07:002010-11-19T14:36:00.351-07:00

Many of our readers have asked whether our guest writers are given access to information that the general public does not have, and whether all of the guest writers (i.e. finalists in the applications process) have been notified. The answers are no and yes, in that order.Our guest writers have been asked to choose topics for their posts, and once they have chosen those topics we, the GNU Public

Timhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05305516834953935201noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7945222752996127882.post-47633759733425232982010-11-18T16:15:00.001-07:002010-11-18T16:15:01.254-07:00

Today's guest writer is Ian Simpson of Mesa, Arizona. Ian has only been a supporter for about three months now, but before that he was closely aligned with other anti-brad organizations and has an impressive resume. In his own words, "I have always believed that certain office products weren't meant to be used by the general public, and accordingly I set up a program in my neighborhood where

Timhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05305516834953935201noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7945222752996127882.post-12079432588448086472010-11-17T13:38:00.002-07:002010-11-17T13:50:09.289-07:00

At the GNU Public Dictatorship we are nothing if not committed to harmony among all people, which is why we try our best to provide useful advice to our supporters in this and other forums. One area in which we have seen significant confusion is the art of price negotiation, especially within the more "civilized" societies. Case in point: these individuals who couldn't decide on the right price

Timhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05305516834953935201noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7945222752996127882.post-49720877449516980272010-11-11T15:39:00.002-07:002010-11-11T16:35:12.723-07:00

Our next guest writer is long-time supporter Hannah Jordan from Biloxi, Mississippi. She has been instrumental in many high-profile events, and has served as local GPD office leader for 14 years. She helped coordinate our response to the Brad Riots of '02 and was instrumental in the successful prosecution and conviction of the leader of the rioters. Enough about Hannah, here's what she had to

Timhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05305516834953935201noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7945222752996127882.post-16947478773575015492010-11-10T15:47:00.003-07:002010-11-10T16:50:13.403-07:00

As we promised earlier, several of our finalists in the quest to be named a member of the Board of Dictators will be given the opportunity to write content for this blog. Our first to be considered good enough for this prestigious blog is one of our operatives that joined us last year in the middle of the scandal surrounding the apparent death of our chief operative "Viktor." For security

Timhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05305516834953935201noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7945222752996127882.post-56864001618268466662010-11-09T15:43:00.002-07:002010-11-09T15:47:52.307-07:00

At the GNU Public Dictatorship we were nothing if not pleased to discover earlier this year that we have some Allies in the fight against evil office products, but as of late we have been saddened to discover that it has been three months now since we have had any contact with the Allies. We would like to believe that they are up to another of their secret missions designed to thwart the evil

Timhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05305516834953935201noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7945222752996127882.post-11207722522011277952010-11-08T13:34:00.003-07:002010-11-08T13:45:41.475-07:00

We are pleased to announce that our investigations into recent disturbances is drawing to a close, and we have decided that we have some reliable new information regarding these disturbing occurrences. We are pleased to report that our fears that the Parent Corporation and their associates were using nano-robotic lichens to assassinate individuals are unfounded. We would like to report, as well

Timhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05305516834953935201noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7945222752996127882.post-39652469922631815582010-11-03T15:30:00.000-06:002010-11-03T15:30:29.519-06:00

At the GNU Public Dictatorship we are nothing if not saddened by the unfortunate consequences of the economic troubles the world has been dealing with in the aftermath of the financial crisis, but we are also thrilled by the opportunities that are now presenting themselves to rebuild the world's economic system in new and exciting ways. We have spent numerous Board Meetings discussing what form

Timhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05305516834953935201noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7945222752996127882.post-83785004763020944492010-11-02T10:35:00.002-06:002010-11-02T10:40:08.960-06:00

Just a reminder to future dictators who may have studied with an emphasis in procrastination that today is the last day to submit your Applications for Membership in the Board of Dictators. Don't miss this opportunity to become part of the New Future, especially since there is so much work to be done today if we are going to prevent the Parent Corporation from destroying society or causing

Timhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05305516834953935201noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7945222752996127882.post-87710409659216856552010-11-01T13:36:00.002-06:002010-11-01T13:51:06.883-06:00

In weeks past we might have overlooked this incident, where cross-country runner Sarah Glidden was struck by a deer just 100m from the finish line, but we can no longer afford to be so complacent. We have long been skeptics of time travel, but the recent finding of a new Shakespeare play among other incidents have convinced us that there is a possibility that, just maybe, someone is travelling

Timhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05305516834953935201noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7945222752996127882.post-77751282856884183292010-10-29T15:11:00.000-06:002010-10-29T15:11:00.558-06:00

We have already received an unbelievable number of Applications for Membership in the Board of Dictators, and we hope that you will keep them coming in. Remember that you only have until Tuesday, November 2, 2010 at 11:59:00 PM UTC to be considered for this year's "election." To get you excited about applying, here is a sampling of responses we have received so far:Darrin Kirsch of Burley,

Timhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05305516834953935201noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7945222752996127882.post-90316590959756600822010-10-28T10:41:00.003-06:002010-10-28T11:18:06.273-06:00

We're not sure why they would think to upset the natural order of things in this way, but it appears that designers at Kimberly-Clark are intent on disrupting our lives. We are a bit ashamed that our operatives didn't have any word of this incident until today, but we think it is because Kimberly-Clark is not one of the companies we have been tracking that have ties to the Parent Corporation,

Timhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05305516834953935201noreply@blogger.com0