Evil snares

At the GNU Public Dictatorship we are nothing if not dedicated to making the world a better place, which is why it pains us so much when our enemies win small victories.  It is especially frustrating when our enemies' victories would not have been possible had we not made some critical mistakes.  As it turns out all of the effort we have spent into investigating "Gertrude" has made it possible for the New Company to expand its influence. The recent death of Dick Clark was a turning point in our response to "Gertrude," but it has come too late.  We were lucky that our operative discovered these booby traps before some innocent person was hurt, but the fact that we let the problem go this far is a testament to the fact that the New Company succeeded in their nefarious trickery.

The individuals involved were, until recently, fairly innocuous.  In the last month or so, however, their consumption of brads had increased dramatically (which should have been a warning to us, but we let ourselves focus on "Gertrude") to the point that they obviously became mindless addicts.  According to our operatives they were told to create the booby traps in return for more brads, which were, apparently, not ever given to them.  We are sorry for our errors in judgment, and are relieved that the cost of our errors was not greater than it was.

As for "Gertrude," our operatives have decided that she was just a ruse.  The New Company stands by its vile misogyny as much now as it ever has.  Earlier today the New Company stopped referring to her at all, and we have not found any trace of her.  We believe that they used her and got rid of her, but for her sake we hope she isn't sleeping with the fishes.

Tragedy!

At the GNU Public Dictatorship we are nothing if not dedicated to keeping the world safe from evil, which is why when evil scores a point or two we get very frustrated.  At this point it appears that while we were working on the mystery of "Gertrude" the New Company somehow killed Dick Clark.  We regret this tragedy and vow that we will not let our mistrust of our enemies keep us from paying attention to what they are doing.  Their sleight of hand was calculated and well-executed, but it is no excuse for our falling for it.  We're sorry.

Conclusions

Our operatives have been busily working to answer our questions about "Gertrude" and, without further ado, are their conclusions:

Q.  Could "Gertrude" really be a greban?
A.  We have studied the greban situation for several months now, and our scientists are convinced that the likelihood of the Parent Corporation (or the New Company) having successfully created a human-grebe hybrid is approximately 1 in 3,924,111, with a margin of error of approximately 7.  Given these long odds, we do not believe that "Gertrude" is a greban.

Postscript to A. While these odds are long, they are based on the best estimates we have of Parent Corporation/New Company technology.  If they have successfully concealed significant resources, then it is a completely different situation.  Our statisticians estimate the likelihood of them having concealed a significant lab from us at approximately 1 in 212.  Assuming that they have concealed a lab from us, the likelihood that they have created a viable greban is approximately 1 in 403.  The margin of error on both of these calculations was estimated at approximately 13.  This creates overall odds of about 1 in 85,436.  Given these small odds, we still believe that "Gertrude" is not a greban.

Q.  Could "Gertrude" be possessed by a male grebe, thus making her not exactly female?
A.  Yes.  Assuming "Gertrude" is a greban, the odds are approximately 1 in 2 that she is inhabited by a male grebe.  This could explain why the New Company has accepted her as their leader despite their misogyny.

Q.  Could "Gertrude" be a robot?
A.  Our scientists have studied this for some time, and have concluded that the New Company does not have the technology to create a robot as sophisticated as "Gertrude", besides the fact that she has clearly not followed the first law of robotics.

Q.  Could "Gertrude" be a proxy?
A.  Our operatives have been unable to confirm whether "Gertrude" is a proxy, but based on their observations our statisticians have estimated the likelihood of "Gertrude" being simply a pretty face and taking orders from some unseen entity at approximately 1 in 14.  Given the long odds on other possibilities, this seems like a likely alternative, but there is no direct evidence to support it yet.  It may simply be that "Gertrude" has overcome the endemic misogyny in the New Company.

Confusion and Delay

At the GNU Public Dictatorship we are nothing if not open about our plans, but there are times when we prefer to keep our hand hidden until we know exactly what we are dealing with.  At times this dichotomy can be troubling, as we may not want our enemies to know what we are up to for fear that they will find ways to thwart our efforts, but most of the time it presents no difficulty.  We try our best to keep concerned world citizens in the loop, but there are times when they must be kept out of the loop until our operatives are completely safe.  


One such time occurred this last week, when concerned world citizens began to speculate in ways that had the potential to put our top operatives in harm's way.  The suggestion that perhaps "Gertrude" is a Greban unfortunately caused the New Company to lock down their organization.  We immediately gave our operatives the message to temporarily stop digging into "Gertrude," but even with the warning two of our operatives were compromised.  In this instance nobody suffered any bodily harm, but it was shaping up to be quite a sticky situation.  We are pleased that our world citizens are sharp enough to come up with theories that put the New Company on the defensive, and we urge all of our supporters to keep putting the theories forth, regardless of the potential implications.


For the record, there is no evidence (yet) that "Gertrude" is a Greban, or that the Greban experiment succeeded in any measure.  We are, however, still convinced that she isn't what she appears to be.  Perhaps our operatives that weren't compromised in this operation will find out soon.  If not, our scientists are digging into the Greban experiment and will likely determine soon whether "Gertrude" could, in fact, be a Greban.  Our robotics experts are also trying to determine whether she could be a robot by testing whether she obeys Asimov's three laws of robotics.  We believe, however, that she has done harm to humans and therefore cannot be a robot, but we are still investigating the possibility.